Time to rise and shine Sonny Jim! Another day, another dollar, another glorious morning with the corps, Hu-rah!
Sometimes I wish I had a hype man to get me moving in the mornings, because I trudge about like partially frozen diarrhea down an iced over pipe. Slow, lethargic, and not very appealing to the eye in the early A.M.
I imagine a blaring speaker that plays Mark Rebillet’s tune called “Your New Morning Alarm” a ten minute long treatise on waking the fuck up, shucking your excuses, and getting some shit done. Give your morning ritual a real kick in the dick, kind of energy. But positive vibes meant to make you feel as though you could really – if you tried – conquer the day. I can dig that.
I just tend to feel unrested, and like total shit first thing in the morning. Not drinking coffee or tea puts a damper on taking in any artificial energy boosts first thing too. Tried it. Hated it. Set off my Crohn’s like a ten pound bag of Taco Bell, while stimuck in traffic, and no napkins or TP in the vehicle with you. Not good. Messy even. A tragedy for me, and whomsoever follows dear old dad into the bathroom. Matches, fans, a courtesy flush. These things are weak compared to the horrendous nature of the inner workings of my GI tract. Woe betide I say. Woe. Betide. Poor ole Woby, getting gassed in his own home. Run. Flee my son! Take foot, and fuck off with you! It’s real. And it’s unpleasant. So no coffee or tea as a wake up aid.
That’s why I want music, a hype man, lights, bells, a whistle, a smoke machine. A grand entrance into the day. But not unnecessarily early though. Like 7:15am would be awesome. Kay. Thanks. Bye-eeee!
Good lord I hate mornings. Ugh!.
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