It’s a strange feeling when you learn to let go.

It can be really challenging to let go, whether it’s things, stuff, accumulated junk, perceived slights, missed opportunities,  whatever it may be. Knowing what you can comfortably give up, or get rid of and not have it gnaw at you is a hard won skill to have. Oh you are going to have the opposite to buyers remorse a few times when you start out. Misjudge what a thing means to you. But if you keep at it, and be as down to earth and real with yourself you’ll know exactly what you can, and cannot part with. Knowing your limitations is good. You can test it, expand it incrementally, but you have to know where that line is drawn so as to not hurt yourself (feelings – not physically). 20 year old me would lose his mind to hear about clearing out books, and clothes. I carted 24 or more 76L tote boxes of books and stuff around with me from move to move for years. Why? Because my stuff was what felt like home to me, not the location. We moved a fair bit in my youth, so people, friends, and locations don’t mean as much to me because we severed those connections (as I was so little) when we moved, so my home was my “things“. Materialistic much? Yeah. Gets real easy to fall into the must buy things trap. Surround myself with stuff to feel at home. But my situation is different now, as we’ve lived in the same house for 15 years. I’ve never stayed in one spot, let alone one house for that long. I feel like, for the first time, I’m putting roots down. It’s a strange realization. So I have to change. Have to heal. Let some of that shit go. Accept the parts that made me, well – me. But let go of some of that hurt. Don’t play the What if? game. Let it pass through you and be better afterward. That sounds glib. I’m no psychologist. I’d wager there is far more going on in the background than I can articulate. But understanding where your foibles stem from, looking at those circumstances with a critical eye, making adjustments to things that are harming you because of it, and trying to do better, is worth it. For me. Perhaps not for you.

Closets, drawers, dressers, book shelves, and my old wardrobe.  Stuff I haven’t touched in ten years. A good portion of it can go. Serve someone else as you have served me. Let someone less fortunate go work their first office job with my old dress shirts/pants. Let some teen read those fat ass books because I sure as hell wasn’t going to read them. Whether it was a style of writing I couldn’t get into, the subject matter, or any number of other reasons. No good holding on to that stuff just to look like I have a library at home. I’m not holding on to 1,000 books I don’t plan on reading, enjoying, or being challenged by, just to qualify my horde as a library. Ridiculous. Better served to go to the community at large. I’ll read twitter on my phone, and the occasional article, but I read best with a physical book in my hands. That hasn’t changed, and I don’t think it will. But also, if I choose incorrectly and buy a book I don’t like, I don’t feel as though I HAVE to keep that book for the rest of my life. Subtle difference. I wish I could read faster/on demand so that I could utilize a library. But my mood towards a book, even one I’m loving is so volatile I can’t stick to reading one in 10-14 days, as a general rule.

This has been a weird one. To summarize. Deep cleaning is good. Letting go of some things you’ve held on to for unhealthy reasons is good. Understanding where your tendencies stem from is good. Using that to change your life/habits little by little for the better is good. You will over do it early in the process, and hurt yourself. Be as truthful as you can be to yourself, and start small. Also I read so inconsistently I can’t seem to utilize a library very well, and continue to buy books most years, though not in the volume I once did. I am also ok with putting a book down part way in if it doesn’t do anything for me. I can give those books to others. It’s ok to not like/love every single book I pick up. Statistically speaking that was an unlikely expectation in the first place.

Happy Christmas Eve, to all whom celebrate. We have more rain, fog and potential for freezing rain. Not much going on around here this Sunday December 24th, 2023.

Are We Close Enough To That Holiday Limbo Period Where You’re Never Certain If People Are Still Working, Or Are Off On Vacation Time…

But sometimes they answer emails or request work, but you’d swear you’ve had an OOO message explaining an absence for the end of the year. Do I need to finish this asap or… will you approve this now or… should I wait for a reply and any possible changes before I go round my pal’s for a drink or… do I give you until 9:00pm and then shut down for the day or… that type of thing. Get it?

Tuesday of the week before Christmas,  and other such Holidays are upon us as well. Seasons greetings, Happy Holidays, Happy/Merry (?) Kwanza, Happy Chanukah, and any such others that I’ve missed.

We have a very light dusting of powdery snow this morning, masking a brittle & crunchy layer of ice beneath thanks to all of yesterday’s rain. Is it treacherous out there? I dunno. All I did was uncover both vehicles, but parts of the driveway were slick, so I’d have to imagine so. Go a hair slower towards all those four way stops, and give yourself a breather heading towards lights at intersections. That sort of thinking should help you out on a day like today. Get some of that good old glare from the sun off the road and you have yourself a recipe for smashed glass and dented bumpers. But we all hope not.

Here’s a quick health tip reminder. Drink a glass of water. If you feel bound up inside, head-achey, or a bit dry of lip, go drink a glass now. It might rush right through you in the next 10-15 minutes, but a cool glass of water will be appreciated by your body. I regularly forget to do so, and I should take better care not to forget. One small step of personal kindness. Just don’t do it if you have to go drive somewhere, or wait in a place with no bathroom access. That will not be of any immediate help to you! Ha.

In alternate news I did a good amount of clearing up down in the basement. I finally tossed several years of old fair entries, kept all of the ribbons though. Kept some of the more special entries too. Stuff that really displayed effort and/or creativity. I also condensed down our books to open up some more space for the kids things, and to provide additional playable surfaces for them both. It doesn’t look like I got rid of much because of how much is still left, but I know I sent off 70lbs worth of books, novels, and hard covers. Tried to get some old manuals out the door too, but those five were rejected. I knew they would be, but worth a try. Can’t score if you don’t shoot! Ha. In all honesty though, as happy as I am with the progress, there are an awful lot of things that still need to be sorted out, organized and gotten disposed of. The old water softener which weighs a gods be damned tonne has to go. But I haven’t been able to empty out all of the congealed salt yet. Also my wheelie cart went to the in-laws never to return. So I need one of those, my ratchet straps and a final destination planned out before I fuss with it. We have a change table & crib combo that needs to go too. If our newly pregnant cousin on my wife’s side doesn’t want it, I’ll take it to the Care & Share donation drop off site. I just want it gone, but not to a landfill. I could just as easily break it down and burn it at the cottage, but it deserves to keep doing its thing unhindered.

I also need to designate an appropriate storage spot for all of our newly acquired wheeled luggage. I don’t want to bury it someplace it’s a pain to get to, but they are big & light weight. I guess the closets I emptied recently of baby clothes is as good a spot as any. I was hoping to retain that space for later, but those new bags need a clean, dry, and out of the way place to be stored so that the kids don’t try to climb inside them, and break the wheels or zippers etc… I tell you I dream of storage space. A magical extra door in the basement that leads to a cavernous, yet dry and luke warm room with rack upon rack of easily accessible storage. An Indiana Jones style warehouse to put all of our extra stuff. These are the desires I have. Not extra wives, or girlfriends on the side. No. I dream of adequate storage space, and an upgraded shop. But I digress. I could daydream about that sort of thing all day if I let myself. That and winning the lottery. Again – I digress. Shame, that. I’d be pretty good at spending money on all sorts of fun things. Probably why most lottery winners go bankrupt or end up back where they were inside of ten years. Eyes too big for their account balances. Plus getting fleeced by banks, bad money managers, shady business partners and the like. I’m drifting here, I can feel it! Dream a little dream of meeeeeeeee!

Less than a week to go now until Christmas. And then we’ll be looking down the barrel of a looming 2024! Crazy. Anyway, take care. Ciao Bella!

Oh Don’t You Worry, I’m Very Aware That I Dress Like A Toddler.

Rumpled t-shirts, the same two pair of comfortable sweats, and a Patagonia style zip up sweater are my go to wardrobe now that I am a full time work from home dad, and have been doing so since 2017. With few to no in person meetings I have left my professional work attire unattended in my closet gathering dust. I also put on several pounds during the last four years, and I’m certain much of that attire no longer fits in a flattering manner. As I can attest to during the series of funerals I attended this July. Well, I had updated several pairs of slacks, but never thought about my dress shirts, and those lovely shirts may need to go to someone else. Or I have to do something, and lose weight. Or at the very least tone up the flabby bits, so I can get away with keeping my work clothes. My usual grey or black monochromatic dress code looks super-duper shabby. I should at least try to wear proper pants, or at least jeans or my work pants once or twice a week. I think I can build that into a habit. I keep meaning to hem some other pants I have to increase my wearable roster of leisure wear. I’ve said this a few years in a row now. But! Ha-ha, we have a sewing machine in the house now, so I can do it myself if I find my thread and figure out how to load the machine. Or hand stitch a bunch more. I did at one point start this process on each pair of pants, but gave up after putting in a couple stitches on each pair. It was tiresome, and it needed a lot of stitches. I stabbed my fingers a few times, and was unhappy with the lacklustre results. Will I remember? Will I follow through on the shift in what is an acceptable wardrobe for a forty plus year old man, father, husband, business owner/operator? Stay tuned.

It’s a rainy Sunday here today. I have one last Amazon package to be delivered. Not a Christmas present to be exact. But a new, large stereo for the house. A JBL Boombox 2, 80 Watts of blood pumping waterproof goodness. I want to be able to annoy the neighbourhood with my 50’s classic rock, and a soft spot for Weird Al Yankovic. Followed closely by the raucous chaos of Chas n’ Dave, and a bit of Status Quo on top. Layer in a fair bit of Wolfmother, Soundgarden, and early 2000’s club beats and I’m there my friends. Shaking, bumping, gyrating to the music. Club rat 101 going on out on the dance floor. I may jiggle & sway a whole lot more now than in my twenties, but I can still cut a rug, or get down!

Even had the chance to take a few Christmas presents over to my inlaws on Saturday. Slowly I am making my way towards reclaiming floor space. Hell on Friday I moved nine (9) full vacuum bags of childrens clothes out of the basement closets. That had to be 500-600 cumulative pounds of too small childrens clothing. Enfant wear, right up to age 5. Anything that fits a 6-9 year old child got kept, obviously. But we made a significant dent in the amount of clothing we were storing away. I’m beginning to be able to see our basement floor again! Progress. Next on the list are toys. Some can go to school for the MID kids there, others can go to the cottage, and others still can go in the trash. But most of all, I want it sorted, and looked after, up off the floor. I admit, that is tough to do with the Christmas tree in the living room, but they should be able to manage their own rooms for grown out of toys & junk / garbage. Or I’ll wait for school on Monday, pick a room and begin to purge unannounced.

I wanted to do that in September but I was actually busy with paid work, so this fall I did not do any DIY projects, or go over the entire house to throw away the newly gathered junk. I did a real good job of that the first year both kids were at school together. And in all honesty we have not gathered up nearly as much junk since that initial clear out. Not to say we don’t have things to get rid of, we absolutely do. Just not anywhere near as much. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Our house is tiny, and the clutter makes it feel even smaller than it really is. We can not hold on the every single thing that catches a passing fancy. At least not in the current disorganized way. I’d like dolls of certain sizes to be stored with other similar items, so that if you are looking for a specific toy of that nature you need but upend just one bin, and not every single toy box in the house. Simple things like that would make me happy. Less clutter, more organization with intent, and a habit of cleaning up after oneself. Not perfection, but sweep after dropping food on the floor, taking plates and cups to the kitchen after use, not leaving wrappers all over the house. We can build up from there.

Have a great Lazy Sunday. May all your chores go smoothly today. Ciao Bella.

Dial 3-9-5 to make all outbound calls.

Getting the hang of a new phone system was always a huge hassle when starting a new job. Was it a VOIP capable phone, did you need a pass code, extension number or ID to reach your voicemail. Do people even leave voicemails anymore when you could just text or email? I had friends who would just mass delete all messages in their inbox if there were too many to be dealt with, thinking that if anything was truly important you’d write back again shortly. I hated that. I spent time archiving messages to maintain a paper trail regarding all requested changes on a project. For the most part it saved my bacon. Until you get a verbal edit request with no written follow up. Then it becomes your word against theirs. Ugly stuff.

Key cards, fobs, security check points, all exciting ways to get a new hassle tucked into your daily life. As much as I look forward to transitioning to full time in the coming years as my kids get older, and more self reliant, I don’t think I will ever return to working for someone else full time. It would have to be a dream come true job, and not just money either. A real – come to jesus – heaven on earth – moving mountains – best job of my life opportunity to pick up a commute again. But you know what they say, never say never.

If everything goes pear shaped I’d be the first to pound pavement (electronic or not) with a resume & portfolio in hand. We’re all just three missed meals away from chaos, such as it were. It’s easier to have high standards when every need you have is being met. Take a couple of the important things away and those standards drop precipitously. I remember college & university well. I worked hours, jobs, and projects I swore I’d never touch again once I got my degrees and certificates. But if things got bad enough, I’d swallow my pride and do it all again. I’d hate it, and myself, but I would do those jobs again if I HAD too.

You know that white winter you were after instead of the rain? Yeah. It’s here now. Thanks. Bye. We have somewhere between five and six inches of snow over night. So fear not. Tobogganing and skiing, and snowboarding are back on the menu! If you are so inclined that is. I’d like to think that I am, but I’d be put off after the first work e-mail that came in which I couldn’t do anything about while on the slopes. As a freelancer all I have (besides the perceived quality of the work) is my reputation. And ditching work to hit the slopes, I feel, would negatively affect that perception. On the other hand, a day outside on the slopes would make you feel alive, more human, and refreshed. So it could – potentially create a more open mindset allowing for increased creativity and productivity? Or I’d be exhausted, need a nap and give the entire day a miss. Toss up. Could go either way. No matter, not on the docket for today anyway. That’s a struggle future me will have to wrestle with.

How is it that as soon as I vacuum the floor my kids immediately choose to eat crumbly foods and leave a mess all over the damn room. Goodness. I could scream! They just know how to push my buttons. Wrappers left on the couch. Plates and cups left in the family room. Crumbs on the floor. Not taking their soaking wet gloves out of their back packs, nor saying they had them in there in the first place. Leaving coats, snowpants and gear on the floor right inside the front entrance way. Ugh. Madness. “Hang up your coats. Socks and sweaters in your rooms” it’s a mantra with us. And about 1,500 repetitions in sometimes it clicks. Mostly it falls on deaf ears, but I persist! One day these children will not be slobs! They will care for their belongings in a manner that encourages longevity! They will know: laundry, cooking, cleaning, sewing, money management, work ethics, car maintenance, lawn care, house maintenance, leaves & trees & gardening, wood working, music, reading and art. Today is not that day, but over time, they will learn it all! Damn it!

The Clip Show Episode we all know and love.

Every great show winds up having a clip episode where you get to revisit some of the funniest or most poignant portions of a television show. Usually it’s pretty deep into the later seasons when most of the story arcs are near completion, but they’ve been contractually obligated to provide 22 episodes per season and need to pad one out a bit. So, now I’m going to go through and update some current projects, rather than try to come up with anything new to say.

First off is the Ninja Turtle sculpt. One which I have worked up and torn back down three times so far. I’ve since decided to work the whole thing in Apoxy Sculpt rather than intermingle with Super Sculpey firm. The self drying, uber sticky substance is pretty wild. I’m not going to lie, I struggle with it. I don’t typically sculpt for hours on end, so staying with the apoxy as it gets slightly stiffer to rework it isn’t what I’m doing. I should change my working style to meet the medium, but I haven’t,  so I may not. At least where this turtle is involved. It’s in very rough form, but it has a full body, arms and head. The feet are going to appear to be in standing water, so they are just lumps for the most part. Needs a lot of refining, smoothing and details yet. A work in progress that could take a few dedicated days to finish, or at my current pace, two more months in dribs and drabs.

The second project update is the shelving unit being built using dowel construction instead of my usual mitered box corners, or box joints. So a shit tonne of butt joints. Bland, but hopefully sturdy. So far so good. The plans I drew up call for eight inch high legs, and the outer most dimensions of the top box to be sixteen inches high and seventy two inches wide, by sixteen inches deep. All made with three quarter inch Pine. Except for the 1.75″ x 1.75″ x 8″ Ash legs or feet. It should stand twenty four inches tall, which gives me a quarter inch of room to slot in under the window sill. My true goal is to have the final build meet the pre-determined spec’s on the drawings, without having made any major edits on the fly. Not that that is a deal breaker, but if I can get better at building to plans that would make me happier. It’s pretty humid around here, so warped wood is something I really have to be aware of. Could funge the whole project if I leave it in the shop for too much longer. The top box is cut and dry fitted together, but needs to be sanded, glued, rounded over and stained, and have final finish put on it. I have a ways to go with the base portion. Cut my pieces, and did the round overs on the legs. But I have a lot of mortises to cut. Twelve of them to be exact. I probably need to round over the stretchers along the base too. More work! If I treat it with respect I hope to have a decent looking bit of furniture to have in the living room. Could be a fun reveal if all goes to plan.

The third project, is a doozy. It encompasses the whole house, mainly because it’s my fall clean up as the kids go back to school, and my wife off to work. I started with a bang, cleaned the appliances, counter tops, cabinets, both inside and out. The hall walls, door frames and doors, as well as the base boards. Washed the floors but did not polish them. In socks you’ll fall over and slip if I polish the floors. Lesson learned with bumped knees and one bruised tail bone. Ouch! I have a paper purge coming. I’ll sort the girls best artwork into a binder, and the rest can go to recycling. Between the two kids we have a seventeen inch tall stack of school work just sitting in the dining room. That’s gotta go. Plus I want to purge broken toys, and remove stuff to the cottage, which doesn’t get played with at home. My niece and nephew are both still small, and would love to play with that stuff still. Oh the memories. I got a jump on it, sure. But the real work will start once school starts again next week. I went through their closets, so that too is done, for now. Growing kids, so clothes and shoes will be a consistent issue for years to come. Ha. Lots to do around here.

Lastly is paid work. I have a solid line up of projects between now and November, so I am very happy about that. I have the room to slot in other projects inbetween my planned work, which is handy. And I’m ok if one or two drop off the map until next year. Next year? Yes. Only four months left of 2022, can you believe it!?! Every so often I think about going out and gathering up more clients, and then when I see what I actually have in the pipeline during the summer & fall, I’m glad I haven’t done so. Busy is great, run off my feet is no good. Creativity suffers when I’m too stressed. Have a solid work life balance right now. Love it!

So there it is. The clip show of what’s going on around here. I could mention, though it’s a bit late. That I also have a model kit I built more than a year ago on my desk that needs panel lining and it’s water slide decals placed on it. This thing has more than two hundred decals to place on a twelve inch tall 1/100 Gundam model kit. Going to be at that project for about eight hours or more. Will look great when done, but ugh. That’s a commitment I’m reticent to make right this second. Stuffed in a box in the closet is a much larger 1/60 scale resin kit that needs weeks worth of work. I lean into my model kits over the winter months when my garage is too cold to work in. Keeps me occupied when not working or cleaning, or shoveling snow.

Lastly is the childrens book I wrote and am currently illustrating (poorly I might add). That’s another item I’ll leave for the winter months when I can’t work outdoors. I have eight more background illustrations to complete, and then I need to tackle the two main characters. It fell off the radar, kind of on purpose, but still I’ll be glad when I get it done. Which reminds me. I’m not entirely certain if I will write a third novellas worth of short stories this winter. I never officially published book two on Kindle Unlimited. I probably should do it. Accompany book one so it doesn’t look so lonely. I sold one copy. In the UK. I believe it was to one of my cousins. It was great to write it all, edit it and then collect all those stories together into one unified thing. Felt amazing to have actually done a thing on my bucket list. Now with book two I’ve written more than 100,000 words worth of short fiction. I’m proud of that. Regardless of whether or not it sold any copies.

Ciao Bella!

Hyperbole Testical Tuesday, BadMan!

That’s a whole lotta gloom hanging in those clouds there mister. You sure you want to commit to an outdoor activity today? No. And thank you for asking Jimmy “The Shoe” Shitknuckles. I’d rather stay indoors and watch tv.

Getting a little quiet around here today. The threat of rain, and lower temperatures has taken the wind out of my sails, for starting anything outside. Again. Guess I’ll have to wait for May to finish edging the curb line, and washing the exterior windows, driveway, and cars. Take a gander at the railing I worked on the year prior to the pandemic, see if that needs any touch ups or spot fixes. Perhaps I’ll attempt to stabilize our gloppy front fence this year, since the larger shrubs are starting to press on it, and it wiggles in the wind. Not a good look. Floppy posts that catch the wind and flip flop all day long.

Went down the list of domestic duties yesterday, and gave the main floor a once over. So we are back to no clutter, but not exactly cleaned up 100%. I need to either throw away or find a better solution to all of our collected kinetic sand, playdough & plasticine, or learn to live with a cloudy gritty sheen on a bunch of surfaces all of the time. I don’t have the heart to toss it all, as my kids enjoy those things a great deal. But, good lord do I hate the mess they leave behind. Residues and grit, a waxy fog on every single wood surface. Ugh. It’s a bit of a nightmare.

Laundry was done and sorted, hung up. Dishwasher is on its endless 2hr cycle as we speak. I have a grocery delivery set for the next hour or so. I think I might clean the ceiling fans, and light fixtures because they collect so much dust. It is kinda gross. Eew. There are some more in depth deeper cleaning projects I can tackle, but I need to plan out the execution, or I’ll get dug in, make a mess and get overwhelmed, stop, and have an even bigger problem to contend with, than if I just leave it alone until I have my plan of attack.

We also desperately need to have a massive clear out of junk and broken toys, ruined & unfixable clothes. Fix, wash and store winter garb, change out the cubbies for spring summer, and get rid of hats/mitts/gloves that don’t fit or can’t be repaired cheaply at home, by me. The kids get attached to weird items, so I have to do it while they are gone, but I also need to fit check everything, so I don’t keep useless items, or toss anything worth keeping for another year. It also looks as though I have several hours of hand stitching snow pants if we are going to keep them all for next year too. In seams and crotches go on all our stuff. Not sure how, but that’s where the wear and tear is, besides the knees and cuffs.

Last week I cleaned out jet tub with an old tooth brush, and it finally came out sparkling clean. The toilet and sink get cleaned every 3 days, because… yikes. Too much spit toothpaste, and back spray. You know what. I’m gonna wash the kids bed sheets while I think about the rest of my day. Have a good one y’all.

I suppose yesterday’s entry should have been called ‘Feast of Crows’, but now we’re at Day 70!

Took it pretty easy this weekend  as far as writing was concerned. Did some paid work on the holiday Monday, but otherwise kept it fairly chill. We did some outdoor skating as a family, which was nice. Had a few family movie dates at home, which were fun. Obviously Encanto made the rounds – yet again. But the kids will watch it and sing along, so we don’t have to entertain them ourselves. Although I will say this, it has become very noticeable how well, and for how long the girls will play together without fighting these days. It’s slowly getting less contentious between them, which I love to see.

So things on the list for today, laundry, vacuum,  mop the floors, dishes (via dishwasher) and maybe sort all the loads and put them away. Will depend on how quiet my ‘work’ day continues to be. Partly why I worked yesterday, so I could clean while the house was empty of other people. So much easier that way. And a general tidy up of the main living space, as the toys migrate out here, and I step on them, and kick them, and trip on them, which makes me furious.

Had enough time to break down a bunch of card board. “Woah-woah” you say, save some excitement for the rest of us. Breaking down card board, cleaning, dude you could drown a toddler in these panties. But nay! I say. I can only stand so much clutter and ‘lived in’ mess before it drives me crazy. So not so much a ploy for sexy time, as it diminishes an anxiety I feel when I look around the house and see messes everywhere. Ugh! But still, we are working our way through the last vestiges of the Christmas present cardboard delivery box horde that I keep finding in closets and cupboards and on shelves. Our house is tiny, and clutter makes it feel even more so. At least in the summer we have the doors and windows open and the house feels less claustrophobic.

I think my next household purchase will be a big Hepa filter unit to gussy up the air quality. We have good filters on the furnace, but still. A dedicated upstairs unit moving the air around seems like a good thing for all of us in this older house. The furnace filters have really been given a boon since our elderly dog passed away. Far less hair in the vents, nor pet dander to screen out. I do feel a rather epic purge coming in April though. For as much stuff as we donate and give away, we seem to get back in kind. Which is awesome, but overwhelming in such a small house. When the price of plywood becomes more reasonable I am going to have to build some serious storage cabinets for the basement, and possibly, living room/dining room. Open concept it great, except if you want to store anything out of view. Then the lack of wall space becomes a liability. Plus sounds travels unencumbered across the entire house with no walls to muffle or dampen it. Nice and bright, but loud AF.

Like I said previously, not much writing done beyond the blog posts. Could change if I catch a thought that takes me some place exciting, or unnerving, or different. Stay tuned.