Signs that I am aging.

When September rolls around I no longer have wistful dreams of going back to College/University, even though I greatly enjoyed my time at both types of institutions. Second, movies just don’t grab me like they used to. I suppose that is more a factor of aging out of the target demographic, and not really being as interested in the youthful themes being explored. As an add-on to that, I don’t much care about actors the same way anymore. Who they are dating, what they wear, cars they drive, vacations they are taking, pay cheques, on and on, etc, etc… I just do not have the mental bandwidth to care about that stuff anymore. Oh! So and so had a baby outside of their marriage. Ok. This affects me how? Did I think a rich rockstar was deep down a super healthy guy? Most likely, no. I did not think that. Not a part of my family, not a part of my day to day life, I don’t care much after the initial disappointment wears off. Got it?

I don’t know if it’s apathy, or my own children’s lives taking up more of my own thought as we all get older. Or if the Covid infection which introduced a hefty brain fog for days on end has done some very impactful rearranging upstairs. I don’t much know. I don’t believe it to be depression. I’ve been there. I still have interests, and I have the follow through to attack those interests with zeal! But there has been a fundamental shift in my thinking lately. Something foundational to my pop culture consumption has now popped. It all seems kinda deflated. A bright colorful shell with nothing much inside of it.

Books, video games, movies, all of these items no longer hold the attention I once granted them. Toys, model kits, and sculpted projects seem to be drawing less of my attention. I have not had any thoughts about creative short stories in what feels like a very long time. No desire to create a new world somewhere and follow those characters around for a spell. None. Just devoid of those kinds of thoughts. Eerie.

Now, I have started to watch more baseball, and hockey. I still don’t care about the stats portion, or the individual players (backgrounds, injuries, minutes played, where they came up from, which university/college they played in, siblings on other teams) but I enjoy watching the games regardless. They are just names and numbers. Occasionally I can remember those two paired together, and you get an Austin Matthews, or a Mitch Marner, or a John Tavares whom stick in my memory. I don’t believe that I could name more than five or six leafs players with a first & last name. I could toss out a few more last names, but not many. I don’t know who the coach is, GM or Manager at this point. And you know what? I don’t much care either.

I have started reading a few more autobiographies, and books on real life people as of this year. I thought I was going to read a whole lot more this year than I have done. I need to finish my current book, and that should put me at 12 books read for the year. I might be able to sneak in one more if I find a good short book to end December with. But I won’t hold my breath.

I had the children help me put up the Christmas tree yesterday after school. We observed Rememberance Day first, and then swapped our gears for Christmas in a flash. I’m excited! Tree looks nice, and it gave us something to do other than stare at tablets watching YouTube shorts, melting our brains 30 sec at a time. Nice!