Eating while watching “You Gotta Eat Here”.

I’m not much interested in what’s on tv, but I’ll tell you what, I do like to eat while watching cooking shows. Not that I am very adventurous with food, but I like to see what’s going on out there in the wider world, which tends to be more original than what I usually make and consume regularly. Call it a quirk.

Going to be a quiet day today I think. Half of my family are packing up and moving west today. I wish them all the best on the week long trek to Vancouver Island with two dogs in tow. It’s going to be several years before we go out to visit. So a bit of a somber day today. They moved to Ontario from Vancouver Island about a year before Covid hit, so we haven’t seen much of each other since December of 2019. Which is a shame. I think the fact has slipped my kids minds, so I won’t press it, as they both cried a fair deal when we found out in late April. No need to dig around in that wound.

I will now need to find someone local with whom I can attempt to golf. Or I’ll just frequent the driving range this month, and then again in September. If I can get my kids more proficient on their bicycles then we can go ride some paths this summer together. Or ride to the school and play there. I’d like to get better at riding my long board skate board. I’m a bit shaky on it right now. Slow carving down a slight grade is about as good as I can do right now. Bought a new helmet just for the skateboard. It’s really fun. Tiring AF, for this forty something lump of a guy.

Now that I am consistently lifting weights, I’d like to kick some cardio into the mix, and get down below 200 lbs. If I could comfortably reach 175/180lbs without having to do anything drastic over the next year, I think I could maintain it.

Work on my downsized coffee table is progressing. I have decided on a open slat shelf below the main slab. I also decided to cut off the two live edges, as they weren’t all that attractive, and it would mean I couldn’t push the table against a wall, as the edge was too wild. I still wrestle with the idea of a drawer with hard wood runners. I think a shallow & wide drawer would go over really well. I’m adapting the design for functionality as I go, can you tell?

I need to write out an order of operations otherwise I’ll forget something, or make a drastic error. I know that much about myself.

Beautiful day, outside doing groundskeeping.

The usual stuff, cutting the front and backyard grass, weed eating the fence line and trees, garden beds. Planting left over Dahlias and Gladiolus. Now I’m going to pump up the low vehicle tire, then head indoors for some laundry and a second smaller breakfast.

Today is a glorious Wednesday, and the sun is out, it is warm without being too hot. The sky is periwinkle blue, and there are only whisps of cloud in the sky. I found my tomato plant, and have planted that too.

Let’s see what the day brings!

It’s raining, it’s pouring the old man is… wet.

Another rainy day on the books. Good for the grass, flowers and crops, not so good for mowing the lawn or staying dry when outside. No matter. I’ll bump the yard work to a day when it is dry, and will focus instead on any paid work, and/or hobby items while I still can. I managed to break down the rotten slab yesterday into workable pieces. One live edge top slab, which I took a series of hand planes to today for about ninety minutes. I have a walnut chunk chosen for a single bow tie I need on the top surface. I have multiple strips of 1.5 inch wide by .75″ thick hickory strips. Two are thirty inches long, the other two twenty inches long. This will form my skirt portion, where I will attach legs, via a lap joint on two faces that touch in a corner. I will make tenons for the top of the legs to fit into the slab top. The slab top itself will receive four mortises for those legs. My big question to myself now is, do I use finger joints, box joints, a mitered edge or butt joint for the skirting? Or try out dovetails for the very first time? I do like the chunky look of box joints. Seems like a classic joinery to use on a chunky, fat, small slab coffee table. I haven’t decided yet if I should make a drawer or shelf underneath the slab. Then it could double as a night stand at the cottage, if I don’t keep it here at home. Decisions for another time. I will think on it, and worry about that later.

Slab with legs, skirting and bow tie block yet to be cut and fitted.

Also on the docket is my latest ogre sculpt in Super Sculpey. Progressing slowly but surely. Working my way through the head now. Ears and eyes to go at this point. And then hair. Smooth him out, texture the body, and then build up his clothes. I see mail, a hood that wraps his neck, various straps of leather, with wool padding underneath, possibly a shoulder pauldron of immense size. A wide belt with skulls or weapons or wine skins adorning it. Nose ring, earrings, and tokens woven into his hair. A huge shield slung on his back. A war hammer or crows beak over the opposite shoulder to the armor. Not to go crazy, but I’d like to have options for this one. Maybe I’ll even attempt a helmet this time. We’ll see how it goes.

Work in progress of my latest Ogre.

Also today might be Day 175! Getting up there! I have a short story idea working it’s way around my head right now too. Not sure if there is enough to it to make something of it right now. Also my childrens book fas fallen off my radar right now. And I am ok with that. Also I’m holding off on publishing my second book of collected short stories. I might now add in the newest one offs I’ve been accumulating to beef up the bang for your buck.

The rain is really coming down out there today. Glad I power washed the downspouts earlier in the spring. That could have gotten messy! You know there’s a tonne of rain when you can hear your downspouts from inside the house. And I’m hard of hearing, so you know it’s just gushing with rain. Sploosh! Take care all. Ciao bella!

When plans go awry.

I have for many years now, planned on using the two Hickory slabs I purchased to build a waterfall edged coffee table. But upon closer inspection, after storing the slabs for many years, noticed that the larger of the two pieces is mostly unusable in its current form. I’ve had to cut out the rotten portion, the critical cracks that went from face to face through the entire thickness have severely weakened the slab to the point I had to cut it into three unequal sections. So my plan now, it to cut legs from the scraps, and perhaps cut some skirting strips from it too. A more traditional under structure, with a modified live edge slab on top. I’m hoping I can pull that much off, without having to break it all down into strips, and end up gluing together a very traditional table top and matching under structure. Boo-urns I say, boo, boo!

Maybe in the fall I will need to go and purchase two new book ended slabs to make the table I’m thinking off. No matter. Wood working is wood working around these parts. Another hand built table won’t go wasted.

I’m going to eat breakfast, quit sulking, and go break these boards down into something useable. I hope! Have a great Monday out there. Lean in or lean out, do whatever the trend is now.

On a side note, we saw Sonic the hedgehog two yesterday, and it was very enjoyable. We have access to Paramount Plus for a brief spell, and my eldest and I watched it in the comfort of our own home. Then late last night my wife and I watched a Sandra Bullock movie about a Lost City, which was decent enough. I have The Batman to watch at some point. I know it’s almost three hours long, so I’m holding off for a bit.

Litotes, used to mask the vastness of your mistake.

Instead of hyperbole to exaggerate your successes,  try using litotes to mask the depths of your depravity and personal failures as a human being, and business leader. Accounting, and legal obfuscation works well in tandem too. What’s called “Cooking the Books”, a helpful guide to sucker punching retirement and pension funds into losing billions of dollars annually. Then pulling the string on your golden parachute to make off with $40 millions dollars or more. Business is for savvy hucksters!

On another note, today is Sunday, and all of our parties are over and done with for at least three weeks. A welcome pause if you ask me. I am exhausted. Hosting people, and setting up for two events on consecutive days is too much! Too much, I say. I typically chat with other adult humans for less than one hour per day. And this weekend it was close to ten or more hours. My social battery is drained, and all I want to do is sleep, read, eat and watch movies at home, cocooned in a cozy blanket.

Bad news about my coffee table build. One of the two matching Hickory slabs is well and truly fubar’d. Going to have to do something other than a waterfall edged table. I am absolutely gutted. Might have to make a more traditional style table instead. Which wasn’t my plan, or ambition at all. Boo-urns! But perhaps I can turn it around using more sophisticated joinery on a skirting, and turn the legs on my lathe? Or try tapering the legs on my table saw. We will see. I now need to have a good think about it, because the terrible shape of my larger slab makes my first idea nearly impossible.

Turns out, I really do like various types of cheeses, but boy do they ever not like my innards. Woof! I have to say the blocks I bought from Longos were a real hit. Very tasty. I’m going to need to make a note of the names/brand & types of cheese I picked up. Except the gruyere, that was probably my least favourite. Not bad, just not as nice as the five others. Live and learn. Ciao Bella!

That was a lot of work.

Both the party itself, with all the prep work, and the building of, and hanging of a screen door built from scratch. I am exhausted. I think my wife appreciated the party and all of the accoutrements. The cheese selection, and fancy baguettes went over well. Could have held off on the veggie tray/fruit tray, but I’m glad to have offered the choice anyway. We didn’t end up needing pizza. The white wine from Yellow Tail, a Pinot Grigio was well received too. Glad I had it on hand, chilled of course. First time we’ve busted out the wine glasses. Had to wash the dust off of them. Haven’t been used since they were opened after the wedding. Not wine drinkers. Good times.

I didn’t get a chance to make the signature drink, as everyone was driving elsewhere afterwards. But I’ll make myself one at some point soon. I’m anxious to see what the fuss was about. My mixing drinks history extends as far as OJ & Vodka, Cranberry & Vodka, Gin & Lime Juice, or Rum & Coke, or Rye & Coke. Two simple items for one delicious drink. Sex on the beach however, requires Peach Schnapps, Lemon Vodka, Orange juice, Cranberry cocktail, and possibly also a splash of Sprite/7Up. Mixed with shaved Ice like a slushie. That seems complicated, but also, potentially – delicious? I’m hopeful for it to be my new go to for the summer months moving forward. Though it’ll be damn near impossible to knock daiquiris off of that pedestal. My true alcoholic beverage champion. Though a chilled Radler comes in the top five, for sure.

The second party of the weekend starts soon, so I need to get things set up at the in-laws. Ciao bella!

After much struggle, and grief…

I finally have my screen door hung on the back of the house! I did it, finally. Smashed my thumb with a hammer at one point, fought with the damn thing to hang it myself (took a few tries to even out the top & bottom gap), and cut in my hinge slots. But it is up, it opens, it closes (mostly). I have some fitment issues to finesse tomorrow, but it’s up and today is June 3rd, so I’ll take it as a win. The sun is shining, a cool breeze is on the air, and I got this fucking thing finished. It needs an interior latch, and one more piece of bug blocking trim, but I have it on the house, and that counts for something.

Also I want to start my coffee table build because school will be over before you know it, and I’ll have the kids home 24/7 and won’t be able to putter around inbetween paid work. So start now, pick it back up in September, or if I get a random day/weekend to my self from out of the blue. Oh, my thumbnail is turning purple. That smarts a bit. My driver bit fused to a snapped screw so I held it to whack it, where I should have used pliers to do so. I was rushing. Of course. And gave it a great snapping fuck you with a urethane mallet. PING! GODS be damned!

Fighting with the door made me curse a fair bit. Wind wasn’t helping me either. Got it in though! Wink, wink. That’s what she said. Ha.

I don’t want to talk about our provincial election. Apathy and greed have won the day – yet again. My choice has the charisma of a sand paper laden hand job, so not a surprise the corrupt no show fellas took the win. Maybe next time. FUCK!

The big party is today. I have on hand: Baguettes, garlic bread, various European cheeses, hummus, nacho 7 layer dip, Boursin garlic & herb spread, a veggie tray, a fruit tray, various cured meats, red wine & white wine (chilled) I have Coke, Sprite & Ginger Ale, bottled water, fancy crackers (three kinds) and the ingredients to make my wife’s favourite alcoholic beverage “Sex on the Beach”. I also have two types of nacho chips. Do I need to get pizza aswell? We have five guests who dropped out yesterday with non Covid illness (one whole family). It’s all outdoors, and now there are even fewer of us than previously planned. Blue tooth speaker is charged up ready to roll. I’ll wash the table, dust off the chairs and call it a day. I have ice, and buckets for beverages too, thank you Moosehead Breweries!

I can now feel my heart beat through my throbbing thumbnail. So I’m going to eat lunch and call it a day. Ciao bella!

We have ourselves one of those – midweek PA Days.

Which is odd, because it is neither a Friday nor a Monday, but in fact today is a Thursday, of all days. It is also our provincial election day. So Teachers can go vote, and work on grade school kids report cards. I voted early to avoid crowds or a rush on the polls. I still do what I can to avoid large groups of strangers. Probably why I’ve only been to the movies once since February of 2020.

Started the day off with the kids reading, and writing in their work books. The youngest practicing letters, and the oldest working on coherent sentences describing what has just been read. It’ll take some extra time (thanks Covid) but we’ll get the reading and writing up to snuff so there isn’t an unnecessary amount of struggling come grade three in the fall.

Had a brief burst of creativity yesterday. I think that makes two or three random short stories over the last month or so since I finished writing book two. Nothing has grabbed me so hard I had to write a follow up. Just flexing my brain muscles, keeping the engine warm, as it were. Seems to revolve around murder and violence, but that may be due to having just finished Don Winslow’s City on Fire, which was pretty good.

“Don’t die on me Bob…”

“You really won’t like me if I gotta resuscitate you with a boat battery and a set of rusty jumper cables.” Growls the monstrously obese woman in a roughly worn denim dress. Slowly she circles the badly battered man tied to a wicker chair. Sweat trickling down her brow and collecting in pools along her waistband at the back of her skirt. Her wedged heels are cracked and smudged with a mixture of dirt and Bob’s blood, among other things. “Stay with me Bobby, I know the room is hot and all, but… just hang in there big man.” After walking a full circle around the restrained Bob, she leans over at her thick waist to lift his head by the sweat soaked patch of hair. A straggly tuft of grey brown crusted with his own blood. Lifting his chin with her greasy sausage fingers Bob grins through cracked lips, showing off the remains of shattered teeth. He spits a thick glob of bloody phlegm onto the fat womans skirt. “Don’t you worry ’bout me Doris, I’ve got you pegged – babydoll.” With a grimace she drops his head and watches it hang and sway under it’s own weight. Stepping away from the chair and the small violently hot room, she nods at the guards just outside the heavy metal doors. With a scrape the two men get up from their seats, one cracks his knuckles and the other wipes off his glasses with a corner of his t-shirt. Doris shuts the door behind her as the guards step into the room. Not a moment passes as the sounds of a fight break out.

“You fucker! I almost laughed when you called me Doris. Dickhead. You were supposed to call me Delores.” She barks out in a raspy laugh. Bob, a medium sized man with an array of bumps, bruises and lacerations covering his body looks up from his White Castle burger and grins. “You didn’t exactly pull any punches yourself – shit teeth. I gotta find a dentist or something, right fucking quick. Why’d you use a bat anyhow? I thought we agreed on fists only. Cunt.” Bob gums on the last few swallows of his mushed burger. Taking his time dunking the bread and meat patty in his Cola cup. Taking a gulp of his drink and squashing his waffle fries in his hands before slurping down the paste. “Christ almighty this hurts.” He warbles through a mouth full of mush. “Dust your gums with a little coke, and nut up.” She replies tossing a massive ziploc bag of nose candy into Bob’s lap.

After a long, and mostly silent drive out into the desert of Arizona along the historic route 66, Robert and Mary Hutchins pull into a pock marked parking lot of a Motel 6. The vacancy sign flashing a dim neon pink intermittently showing swarms of winged insects. The back end of their nineteen ninety four Ford Taurus is riding decidedly low. Straining as it is, under the weight of various bodies tied up and bound together in the trunk. The late evening sun making the trunk hot to the touch. “How long you think they got?” Asks Bob, chucking the keys over hand out into the field beyond the now dim parking lot. “I don’t know? Why? You really give a shit?” She drawls in response. “No – no I don’t. I do however, gotta see a dentist. Fuck.” He spits out a thick glob of blood, and a tooth chip. Reaching into the back window Bob pulls out a dazzlingly turquoise leather Gucci bag, it has some heft to it.

The couple exit the parking lot on foot, cross over the sun baked black asphalt of route 66 to a small lot set beside a CVS. Open the doors to a pewter coloured mini van and drive off back towards Las Vegas Nevada. With the windows down, and the ac cranked, Mary turns on the radio. They drive off with the sound of Bob Seager trailing behind them in the sweltering night. The sky is a pink, orange, navy blue combo, and the stars begin to twinkle.

Dreams are weird.

Last night I dreamt that I was composing this amazing blog post (of all things) and I was dictating it out loud and it was all very intense and exciting. But do you think I can recall even a sliver of what it was about? The lasting image was of having fun composing the post, not the actual content within it. Tells you something doesn’t it. Boring! It means it’s more important to me to write, than what I write about. How dull. But that fits me to a T. Pragmatic, robotic me. The act of doing is in itself the reward. How intrinsically valued can you be. Ugh.

Still haven’t found the time nor energy to go see Dr Strange 2, or Top Gun: Maverick yet. Perhaps after these family parties are done. Although, then I need to get on top of planning my youngest’s pool party at the end of the month. Seven confirmed guests so far. Three will be away and can’t come. So this time (with lessons learned) we go 10:00-12:00pm, and stick locally. Fewer guests, and a shorter period of time, earlier in the day. Pizza, drinks, pool, cake and home time! I’ll let my wife sort out the goody bags. The holy grail of childhood apparently. Which isn’t something I recall being a big deal in my childhood. Not sure if I just don’t remember, because I’m thirty five years plus out of that age bracket, or it wasn’t really a thing with the families of my childhood friends. Couldn’t tell you, if I’m being completely honest.

It is strange, what I can and can’t remember about being a kid. I still recollect my late teens years, fairly vividly (because I was sick, and depressed from being sick). But I couldn’t say much about being a little kid. I do know that I was pretty oblivious. It wasn’t until Facebook came around in the early 2000’s when I realized some of my friends had older siblings, or any siblings at all. Singularly focused on my friends or our activities. Didn’t much care for whatever else was going on. Still don’t.

Yeah, dreams are what’s weird.