“Hey! You must be Mark… welcome aboard the…

Dirty Starling, we have your crew corners ready to go, in it you’ll find your uniforms and a detailed docket for your next twenty four hours. So I understand you’ve signed on as part of our Half-Three crew contingent. You guys are nuts, but I hear you rake in the dough though!” The stout woman gesticulates wildly as she talks animatedly at me, not seeing the puzzled look on my dour face. “Did you just say crew corners? Don’t you mean my quarters?” I weakly interject mid sentence. “Huh? Oh, right, you’re not from around here. It’s sort of a colloquialism to these larger ships and kind of a dig at folks on your work detail. Your ghost like work mates hate the term quarter, since that’s the standard shift on these ships, four six hour shifts for every twenty four hours. But you guys work six four hour shifts per day, and coined it corners, because, well… you guys work anywhere and everywhere three out of every four hours and just kind of crash in corners, under chairs or tables, in bundles of coiled rope or what have you, then miraculously turn up at your next shift – to do it all over again. It sounds ghastly, but that’s why you lot get paid those big bucks right!” She hasn’t stopped pointing at things or taken more than half a breath the entire time we’ve been walking. “This is you. Set yourself up, read your crew details thoroughly and get some sleep. I don’t imagine I’ll see you again for quite some time Mark, so be well”. A wide arc of a wave passes within millimeters of my nose, and with a crisp twist, she loping down the hallway of the crew corners.

Standing in the grim grey hallway, my bisected metal door grinds open as I touch my palm to it. Biometric readers are every where on board this massive ship. No need to try to remember any codes, it’s all linked to my DNA/RNA and several other key markers I’m not aware of. A dim orange light is the only illumination inside the wide but narrow room. Spacious by Navy standards on earth, pretty big for a single individual in space. About four meters long, two meters wide. The door and open pathway along one wall, a closet sized bathroom/’shower’ outlet type cubicle on one end, a raised bed with desk underneath, with cupboards over top, and a full length closet on the opposite end. Clean, cozy and entirely unadorned with ornamentation. The lone object in the room is my crew information packet with my first six work details, and a voucher for my first meal aboard the vessel. Upon closer inspection the room is plastered with various warnings and guidelines for the optimal use of my crew uniform while on board. Lots of black, yellow, red and white labels. Very ominous and kind of foreboding. Nothing I haven’t seen before back at the Mars technical institute where I trained to be a ship board generalist. I can do just about anything in a modest, read mediocre fashion. Just enough to keep the cogs grinding along for a three hour session, until the real deals make their way to your location.

A loud chime signals the standard crew change, and I grab my voucher and head off to the mess hall to eat, and nose around the ship while still in a coherent state of mind. Along the way I pass several hundred people bustling from one thing to another. Each dressed in colour coded uniforms talking in jargon heavy bursts. No one looks up from their desks, bunks or conversations. The crew corner portion has a real college dorm vibe, with people talking through open doors, sprawling in the halls or hanging around in small cliques. I continue to walk on until I can smell the mixture of food, b.o and mild disinfectants and sanitizers.

The mess hall is enormous, with a massive bank of windows that look out over the bulk of the aft section of the vessel. Lots of curving grey domes, and twinkling blue lights. The neon lights glow in reflection on the concrete like glass. I walk under a huge set of hoods which contain some high pressure vents. In the centre of the room is a massive semi circle of vending machines, buttons, slots and glass drawers. Not quite replicators, but close enough to be science fiction. I slide my voucher into an available slot and choose a sixteen ounce prime rib, garlic mashed potatoes, grilled asparagus and a thick rich brown gravy, along with a Heineken branded pilsner. Turning to my right to see my name appear on a glass drawer I pull out my steaming hot plate and head to an empty table. As I step over the back of my seat I hear a soft voice say “Beige uniform eh? You a Half-Three then huh? That’s a nice dinner you got there. I always thought you guys were a myth, but here we are.” A large androgynous person in blue medical uniform half waves at me sheepishly. “Um, well yes. I transferred in today. Will rotate in at 03:00.” My answer is short, concise and as non committal as I can make it while I smell real food mere centimeters from my face. I plunk down onto the seat, it whistles under the newly acquired weight. A soft pfft as air escapes from the foam padded seat cushion. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your meal, I just haven’t seen many of you guys around. I did my residency on earth and I marvel at your ability to work six four hour shift blocks per day while you are on rotation. It both scares and amazes me!” A plump cherubic face peers out from under longish dark black hair, with a off kilter toothy smile. “Don’t be too impressed, they pushed some sort of synaptic device into my head at the technical institute on Mars so that we can function under high stress for brief periods of time, many times per day. It also allows us to ‘learn’ a great deal of surface level instructions on hundreds of jobs. I can even, in the most dire of circumstances work as a medic or a nurse during a level one, two or three medical procedure in any standard zero g operating room. But I’d warn against that, just between you and me. I’m a puker. Involuntary, I assure you. But detrimental to the sanctity of any given surgical endeavor.” I flash the briefest of warm smiles. “I’m Mark. Nice to meet you…?” I wave a fork lazily in the med tech’s direction. “Oh, uh it’s Alex. I’m Alex. Nice to meet you Mark, the fully fledged Half-Three! Man oh man, nobody’s going to believe that I met you!” Alex is flushed pink in the cheeks. “What do you mean? I’m sitting right here, out in the open, with you. The whole ship can see us with their own eyes. The cameras can all see us”. A befuddled look is crawling it’s way across my face, slowly. I am losing my good will and social cheer rapidly. “Uh dude no. You guys have biometrics that allow you every where and anywhere, and can seemingly travel at will across the ship. No cameras or software can track you lot at all. Hence the nickname ghosts”. Alex thinks better of sitting down at the table and backs away quickly. “That’s why you guys don’t have any photo ID, you don’t show up on camera!” And like that Alex is gone, melted into the crowd in the mess hall as I tuck into my prime rib.

Sixteen days later a well worn yellow side by side drops me off at my crew corners door. All that can be seen as the mono tracked vehicle passes is a pile of filthy clothes and dirty brown hair piled up in the vehicle bed. With the pull of a lever the bed tilts up and the limp body slides out the back like an animal still birth. With great effort I stagger to my feet and I place my palm against the cool metal triggering the bisected doors to split apart. I fall face first into bed and the whole world fades to black.

Part One: Ghost of the Dirty Starling.

One of the most vivid dreams I ever had was…

Me listening to my daughters tell a combined imaginary tale about knights, dragons and monsters in a mystical land, and I was trying to transcribe this hectic, self referential logic nightmare of a tale as they spoke it out loud in tandem like a vomited stream of consciousness. It was such a vivid memory, I could feel the fluctuating story ideas, like they were there breathing at my finger tips. It made almost no sense as they told it, but in my dream I was able to sort of throw it on the table to smash apart, and then take a really wide angle lens to it and rebuild it into a coherent epic fantasy novel. The best part about it was taking the whole spoken tale and sort of doing this exploded view – like you get of an engine diagram format, but being able to draw elements together, or add parts and realign story beats so that it all made sense, and flowed together. It was a wildly exciting dream, and when I woke up I remembered absolutely none of the story, but only the rush of picking it apart and putting it back together to make some kind of sense. Which sounds tedious, but also like a performance in and of itself. I’d love to revisit that dream, and actually remember the story my girls told me. If you’ve ever spent time listening to kids under six tell you stories, you know how many gaps there can be, what sort of logical leaps you need to make, and how easy it is to lose the plot. Good times. I guess I had a dream about editing. Wow! – go me. in

Reading a whole novel series aloud.

Was both one of the hardest and most rewarding things I’ve ever done. It took me just shy of a year and a half. I read the entire seven book Harry Potter series to my eldest daughter once she showed me she could pay attention long enough to make the exercise worthwhile. We started book one by reading half a chapter at a time, doing voices and dramatic pauses, sounding less like Alan Rickman as Snape and more like Will I am Shat tner. We read the first book three times in a row before she was comfortable enough to move on to book two, which we read twice. My throat took a real hit reading out loud every single day. Once the shit downs hit, and school went on line, we would read chapters throughout the day as well. We did that right up until this summer when we finally completed the whole series, and moved on to Percy Jackson, which was ok, but nowhere near as entertaining. We have yet to finish the fifth and final book of the series. Not sure if the payoff will be worth it. The whole point was to spend time together doing something fun, and imparting a life long love of reading and storytelling. I know that I’ll remember it for the rest of my life. I hope to some day read The Lord of the Rings to both kids. Then we can watch and enjoy the films together as well. Or I’ll enjoy it and they’ll tolerate it and move on which is fine to. I show them the thing of interest, and they can choose to enjoy it or find something else that interests them instead. I want them to like this stuff, but I don’t expect them to love it or become obsessed with it. I just want to be the one to offer it up to them, I don’t care if they don’t want to wrap themselves around it like I did as a preteen/child. I just want to introduce them to stuff I like so we can share it for a bit, as a fun experience and then let it go. If they adopt it – great, if not, at least we shared it for that brief moment in time.

The long January begins with a – whine…

Once again we have come back to online e-learning for the kids. The long grey bleak winter has finally settled upon the ground around us, and we are house bound. Which is both a blessing (greatly reduced Covid exposure) and a curse, cabin fever with two very socially starved kids. It could very well be far, far worse. I mainly bemoan the situation because I detest the cold and dreary Canadian winter, and much prefer the sunshine and warmth of summer. We also prefer biking, walking, swimming and other far more fun warmer weather outdoor activities. In all actuality we are very protected here in our home bubble, and we shouldn’t be put out by the actions required to flatten the curve and bring the numbers of cases back down to a reasonable level of infection. We have masked up, socially distanced, hand washed, and avoided going into more than one store per week for almost two years now. We were very fortunate that we qualified for a 3rd booster dose, and my older child has had her first dose, but our youngest isn’t eligible for six more months. I work from home regardless of the situation so I’m not impacted much work wise. I can put the bulk of my work into the evenings if need be in order to help my two kids navigate online school, home work, lessons and finding pages or web sites for classwork. If both of us were full timers things would get ugly, but my work is flexible so we have that going for us. The only real impact is to my cleaning schedule which I can’t properly do with two young kids underfoot. Hobbies are on hold until cases come down and schools can safely open for the educators, admin, cleaning staff as well as all age groups of children. The next however many weeks of us all together twenty four seven could get ugly, but it is definitely for the best.

Three weeks of writing everyday

And what have I learned, or what is my major take away? It’s this… I still can’t figure out how to get in the groove to write any new fiction/non-fiction creative writing for a (micro) short story. I have had a couple of flickers of story ideas flash through my mind, but nothing I’ve been able to jot down on paper or contemplate long enough to find my way through it. Which is… annoying, I suppose. I’m not a writer per se, but I really did enjoy putting 60,000 plus words together in a somewhat cohesive story line in 2020 and early 2021. I always wanted to write a book, and I did it. I guess I thought that once I had done it I would be able to revisit that ability at will. That is proving to not be the case, at least at the moment. I’m what?, annoyed… yeah a little, disappointed…. sort of… feeling like it’s just a bit of a funk? Most likely. Much like any of my creative endeavors, if I force it, I’ll only produce forced garbage, but if I maintain some discipline and attempt to do something along those lines every day, at some point something will click or an idea will catch and my habit of doing it for a little bit every single day might stretch out and I could get on to something. Could, might, maybe, if… not possibilities to shy away from this early into the new year. I hope the month of January finds you all clear headed, and with vibrant ideas flowing from your finger tips.

Three days in, how are you doing?

We are three days into 2022 and how do you all feel? I didn’t make any resolutions this year, much like I haven’t done the last three years or so. I have things I want to do more of, which are things that I all ready do ‘some’ of. I will do what I can to utilize my down time more constructively over the year. Now this doesn’t mean that every single second needs to be accounted for, or that I must produce X amount of projects or progress in any single hobby. Just that over all, I did more of just about anything; cooking, cleaning, mending clothes, wood working, home DIY stuff, sculpting, drawing, painting, playing the guitar or piano, creative writing, blogging. Anything, just try to limit being a lump.

Also, if at all possible, refrain from going out and picking up a new pet from a shelter. It has been eight months since our old boy passed over the rainbow bridge to take up residence at the farm, in a room with a view. I love dogs and having one around the house, but it has made life simpler to not have one around during the pandemic. Puppies and old dogs and just about everything in between are very appealing, but I just need to hold off for another year or two. I can easily break on this issue depending on how the school year in Ontario shapes up with covid and Omicron lurking about. However, not having to pick up bags and bags of poop off the back lawn means the girls can play barefoot in the grass again without fear of a nasty squishy surprise. But a warm dog cuddle does a weary soul some good when you didn’t know you needed it most.

It is currently warming up from minus seventeen degrees Celsius, so perhaps a play at the park is in order, or a jaunt to the farm for some private sledding with my girls. Snow pants are a must here, there is no denying it anymore. Winter is far too long and cruel to the skin here to not properly outfit yourself for the bitter cold. We are nowhere near as bad as the prairies, but getting down to minus twenty five or below consistently over a course of three months means you need to be realistic, and dress accordingly. Take care of yourselves out there.

Why, oh why

Do my children insist on trying to communicate with me at the pitch of a whiney tea kettle. A stream of unending vowels and consonants imitating the squealed peel of an agitated dolphin. To my hearing lossed ears it’s just a pointless whistle that contains no information at all. Like a fire alarm in a high C monotone in which I am requested to decipher both the meaning and an action plan remedy. Followed, obviously by tears, flailing and shouting from the other sibling in response. And it happens constantly no matter how many times I tell them that I don’t speak tea kettle, dolphin, or whistle languages fluently. The Joy’s of parenthood I suppose. Blessed.

Welcome to the future…

It’s really very similar to the recent past but otherwise it offers you hope, if only a sliver. The weather outside is pretty strange, seeing as the temperature is slightly positive in January, in southern Ontario Canada. The roads are clear enough we can ride our bikes or roller blade, which is very strange. The snow seems to hold off longer and longer, if it doesn’t absolutely dump down on November first in a 12 inch blast of school closing insanity.

We were all in bed asleep by quarter to eleven last night, because we have small kids who wake up exceedingly early, and can be a real bear to deal with by seven pm. After getting them off to bed and watching an hour or two of HGTV no one felt the need to greet midnight, and a potential 5:45am early rise from one or both kids. I was going to pour myself a drink and watch a movie, but my enthusiasm for that waned quickly and I watched part of a Jim Gaffigan stand up special on Netflix, but turned it off half way through instead. The life of a rock star over here folks.

Things I’d like to do more of this year are, and in no particular order; creative writing, sculpting, wood working, miniature painting, assemble the giant G-System Best resin model kit. Obviously if I am able to gather, retain or reclaim more paid work in graphic design/illustration & packaging, those items will take precedence. But I have made a plan to utilize my down time to be more rewarding personally. It gets all too easy to climb into YouTube or put on a movie and space out for 2hrs on any given day.

First things first though, we have to get COVID-19 under a modicum of control so that our kids don’t get violently ill at school, or develope life long medical issues due to rampant exposure. This fact alone will have massive knock on effects for our day jobs, and hobbies, not to mention the whole rest of our childrens lives. It is no small matter. It weighs heavily upon us all. Welcome to the future, the same as before, only different. Hello 2022.

The contradictions of being two things at once.

I’ll give you an example, loving the sound of my kids laughing and giggling, but being annoyed by them making too much noise as those same laughs move into the cackle/shriek territory.  Enjoying a quiet afternoon,  and then finding out your kids were quiet because they were destroying a windowsill with inkless pens and drawing straight into the wood itself. Wanting to be alone and then feeling isolated and lonely. We are strange creatures us humans. Walking, talking contradictions. Wishing you all a happy, healthy 2022.

Those dark shadows in between.

Could be the lack of brilliant sun shine, it could very well be the onset of the winter cold. The feeling of being adrift and starting to float reminds me of being depressed in my teens due to medications, & fatigue from Crohn’s Disease. I find myself wanting to sleep more and more, losing interest in hobbies, and also having angry or violent dreams at night. My sleep is restless and every day feels the same regardless of holiday, weekday or weekend. I realize the pandemic has us all on edge and have recently discovered what a low level panic attack feels like, and bud, I feel for all of you whom have had to deal with a full fledged version, because, WOW!, unpleasant. I also know that I’m really getting inside my own head of late, and that’s not a good place to spend too much time. I due have introverted tendencies, so I love alone time and being quiet, but that’s when it is by choice and not foisted upon me by external forces I have zero control over. It can sometimes feel like a weight pressing down on my shoulders while the tide is trying to kick my feet out from under me. However, soon enough there will be sunshine, warm, grass and flowers and the ability to get outdoors more comfortably. It’s not all bleak and gloomy though. I did get the last book in a great series to read for Christmas, so I do intend to enjoy that as much as possible. And, reading about the exploits of the James Webb Space Telescope has been rather exciting! (JWST) For the potential science win. Woot woot!