“Oh lord that’s cold.”

“Sweet baby lord Jesus that’s fucking cold. Cold, cold, cold, cold – cold. God damn!” Exclaims the shuttle pilot in a fit of rage as he twists knobs, flips switches and toggles back and forth between banks of dials and indicators. The frosty fog of exhalation puffed out by the pilot is condensing quickly upon the frigid surfaces of the tiny space. The cramped cockpit of the shuttle is full of storage bins as the craft has been sitting in the unheated cargo bay waiting for a chance to get un-crated. The six inch thick concrete glass bubble that engulfs the free floating gimbaled pilots chair is scarred with frost patterns. Cris crossed with finger scrapes as the angry man tries to get a series of small view ports through the icy crust with halfway decent visibility. The dark cargo hold, and the dim running lights on his dash board makes for a difficult systems check.

“Did you cock suckers seriously not turn on the cabin heater yet? How the fuck am I supposed to operate the shuttle if I have to battle frost bite in sub zero temperatures!” Shouts the stout pilot from his crispy, cold worn leather chair. He’s flipping switches and running his own extended operations check list without turning to look over his shoulders at the two other men of team ETA huddled in the back of the seating compartment. “You heard the Doctor, we had six hours to shit, shower and shave. That cabin heater wreaks havoc with the power output on a dry run start up of a shuttle this size. Anything not nominal would potentially add extra time and we’d get spaced for fucking things up before we start. You want to end up in the surgical bay? Because I fucking don’t man. We all had our station orientation. We all ignore more than we can ever explain to god.” Quips the man seated in the rear compartment off to the pilots left. The man seated to the right is busy bolting additional instrument panels to the bulkheads within arms reach of his seat. Clipping netting to hooks mounted across the wall, and shifting tools and cargo from padded bin to padded bin. The crew of team ETA are running nine men short of their usual personnel compliment, and are thus trying to cover off more than their usual share of prepping the shuttle for launch.

The nine members are doing the exterior checks, their muffled discussions and fits of laughter can be heard inside in small bursts. The hiss and sizzle of welding with the smell of ozone wafts in the open cargo bay doors to the rear. The huge cavernous loading dock is bustling with machines and industrial noise. The odour of burnt lubricant hangs thickly in the air. A haze of blue oily smoke drifts limply in the poorly circulated air. Fumes and off gassing chemicals permeate the space. An overhead speaker crackles to life with an ear splitting shriek of feedback. “Attention – away teams ETA and Theta you have T-minus ninety minutes until scheduled departure. All non-combat team members should make their way to a safe location behind the environmental bulk heads on no less than sixty minutes. Crews will bolt combat teams into their shuttle at T-minus ten minutes to deployment.”

A heavy banging sounds on the concrete glass of the cockpit. A series of orange gloved thumbs up are flashed to the pilot. The last few systems checks are glowing nominal on the display board, with the last few toggles switched over to operational. The pilot has strapped himself into his seat, and adjusted his head rest, arm rests and his foot stool. All items are a part of my gyroscopic pilots chair, keeping the pilot oriented along the elliptical plane of the solar system regardless of gravity status onboard the small ship.

The small speaker on the pilots chair begins to hum as the launch clock begins to count down from t-minus five minutes. The pilots ungloved hand reaches over head to another control board. The last thing he needs to do is remove a black and yellow cover from the launch toggle and the crew with deploy out of the bottom of the drop shoot launch tubes. Once he’s given the signal he will toggle the switch and the ship stationed on a set of two arms will fold ninety degrees down through an opening in the cargo bay floors and the rockets will fire as they drop out the bottom of the massive rock that black ops base UB313 is built into. With the closing seconds of the countdown something small and black falls onto the pilots face. Distracted for only a second the pilot looks down to his lap to see the tiny black rock. Moving to pick it up with his fingers it squishes between his thumb and forefinger. “Mouse shit? What the fuck?” Mutters the pilot.

“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six …. ” – with the pause at five the pilot takes the briefest look around the cabin of the shuttle which now shows the faintest of signs of the rodents presence. Knowing what meager signs to look for the pilot can see the soft chew marks from rodent teeth on the plastic seals and cloth coverings. “… four, three, two, one… we are go for launch. God speed gentlemen.”

From the inky depths of space outside base UB313 two massive streaks of propellant can be seen glinting in the soft haze of the distant sun, as the two small combat ships careen out of their launch tubes simultaneously.

Part Seven: Ghost of the Dirty Starling.

Here’s a blue sky for you.

Have some thinking to do on the story front today, and possibly tomorrow. I managed to tie three threads together loosely, and now I need to get into some action set pieces and corporate intrigue. Both of which require a fair amount of prior planning on my part. For fight sequences I usually break out some action figures to try to keep track of where characters are in relation to one another. If I had the time and resources I’d build a miniature set and act it out in cardboard and plastic and talk it aloud into a tape recorder to transcribe/edit later. But as it stands I just smash toys together or put objects on a table top to help myself out a bit. The cup has lune of sight on the fork, while the spoon spins downward in a tight spiral. Blah, blah blah.

As I was saying, lots to think about so here is a lovely blue sky image. Take good care of yourselves – or not. Up to you where applicable.

Planning with mind games.

A good chunk of my process for writing creative short stories is day dreaming as much of the story before hand prior to writing it all down. The more time I spend lurking around in a coherent story the better the written work tends to be, or at least I tend to veer off on strange tangents a lot less. However finding the time to ruminate in my own head uninterrupted is increasingly difficult. More over once I carve out the time to do so I am more often than not drawing a blank on how to progress the story line. I know the broad strokes of where I want to go, and roughly how to get there, but I am unable to imagine it, to walk around in it, to inhabit it. Most likely two years of stress and anxiety about Covid is tamping down the creative side of me. My kids are now older and require a different amount, and different kinds of attention than they did in 2020.

One thing I can do to help calm myself or juice up my creativity is find photos that have an interesting play of light in them. I like striking contrast and orange late evening or morning light. It’s short and fleeting but makes a statement. Something like this:

30 days straight of writing

And what have I learned? That my vocabulary is stunted at best when i’m commiting thoughts to paper while writing in the moment. I have to rewrite entire sentences and sometimes paragraphs because that epic word on the tip of my tongue can’t be found and the flow is off without that very specific turn of phrase. Only to later come up with it and have to back track and edit that section a third time. Also the thought of having to slog through an action / dialogue/ detail heavy portion of my story will stop me clean in my tracks and I will put the writing off until later in the day, or settle for a silly inane blog post with a photo instead.

Book two is closing in on 10,000 words so I am thankful for that. I do worry that I am retreading too much old ground, or that I aim to throw in plot twists or subvert tropes for the general sake of doing so. I do believe that 2020 was a very depressing and isolating year, and as such my writing had more gravitas behind it. Feels like I’m chasing a feeling rather than excising something deep from within. In all honesty it took me such a long time to find a suitable thread to follow for the second portion of short stories in my overarching series that I think I might just be nervous it’s not as exciting or as enjoyable as the first book.

Something else that I have had to relearn is that writing about anything is just as good as writing continually about one specific train of thought. Adding in some one shot funny bits is rather cathartic when the idea around a four thousand word chapter seems too daunting a task.

Three weeks of writing everyday

And what have I learned, or what is my major take away? It’s this… I still can’t figure out how to get in the groove to write any new fiction/non-fiction creative writing for a (micro) short story. I have had a couple of flickers of story ideas flash through my mind, but nothing I’ve been able to jot down on paper or contemplate long enough to find my way through it. Which is… annoying, I suppose. I’m not a writer per se, but I really did enjoy putting 60,000 plus words together in a somewhat cohesive story line in 2020 and early 2021. I always wanted to write a book, and I did it. I guess I thought that once I had done it I would be able to revisit that ability at will. That is proving to not be the case, at least at the moment. I’m what?, annoyed… yeah a little, disappointed…. sort of… feeling like it’s just a bit of a funk? Most likely. Much like any of my creative endeavors, if I force it, I’ll only produce forced garbage, but if I maintain some discipline and attempt to do something along those lines every day, at some point something will click or an idea will catch and my habit of doing it for a little bit every single day might stretch out and I could get on to something. Could, might, maybe, if… not possibilities to shy away from this early into the new year. I hope the month of January finds you all clear headed, and with vibrant ideas flowing from your finger tips.

Aiming for those last few days of 2021 writing streak…

Which means pulling out all the stops to create something written every day until the new year begins in order to fulfill some weird kind of anxiety about not doing enough creative writing during the year. For all those days when I followed the white rabbit down the hole on YouTube regarding wood working or welding or sculpting or entertainment news about movie spoilers. For those lull days when I didn’t do jack shit. For those weeks in September and October where my singular focus was on home DIY projects and not being creative in any way, shape or form. For those days when I really wanted to watch a movie instead, or bury my face in a good book. Now it is a race against time to prepare some short, fun ‘content’ for my blog. On the plus side, by skipping writing in September I was also able to buy our Christmas presents and avoid busy stores, malls, parking lots and any possible supply issues. The big show starts tomorrow, with some champagne and orange juice at days first light. Stay sane, stay safe, and be merry (where possible).

After all this time

I didn’t do any work on my illustrated children’s book this year at all. Last year in Year One of the Covid-19 pandemic I took my rough notes and wrote the story out in full, and then also rewrote it two more times, along with a few character sketches, but then I’ve just left it sitting untouched. Mind you, I did then go and write a full book of short stories in its stead. Now however I feel like I should resurrect the project for 2022. Alas, in the few golden months I had since both of my kids were attending in person school I tackled home diy projects to improve or finish off rooms in the house, rather than devote myself to an illustrated childrens book. I haven’t drawn by hand in a very long time, and I haven’t painted in watercolours or acrylics in nearly the same amount of time. I think I’m nervous about the artwork being terrible, more so than the story not being entertaining. But wave #5 and the end of Year Two of the pandemic are nearly upon us all. Part of me is still chasing the high from actually writing a full book of interconnected short stories set mostly out in space, along with some non-fiction autobiographical stuff mixed in. Funny how a lot has happened while nothing has happened. A very strange feeling. I think what I’m missing is, I used to come and work/write every day from 12-2pm while my kids napped, and then the youngest gave up naps, and I had to resort to working at night and then I dropped off my writing habits because I was focused on the paid work for my day job, and my brain was a tad fried from several weeks where I wrote 5 or 6 thousand words over some very productive days, week after week. Not always that many, but I know my cognitive skills dipped on any day that I wrote more than 3,500 words at once. A fugue state, brain fog, brain fart, mom brain, synapse fatigue or what have you. Odd feeling, that. Oh yeah, and I devoted more time to wood working, and I scaled back my sculpting too this year. Perhaps a more rounded dabbling in all of my hobbies will make for a better choice next year. Glad I am alive and well enough to consciously make that decision.

“I’m absolutely amazed that you’ve managed to get away with that…

For so long, I mean, it’s kind of disgusting… the smut that you write.” Barks the stout middle aged man whilst walking around in the garden of the slovenly seated man. He is sat slumped in a deck chair, bent low over his dirty keyboard, the man looks up from his cracked screen and blinks rapidly in the glare of the hot overhead sun. Both to moisten his eyes after staring for a long period of time, and to give himself an excuse to cultivate a scathing rebuttal. “It isn’t smut, fuck you very much, it’s romance. And I do not apologize for my romantic bent having a thoroughly sexual vein running through it. If you pardon my phallic pun of sorts.” Quips the pudgy gentleman from his rustic looking deck chair. “Who the fuck asked you in the first place? As I recall, Benji, I pay you to look after my gardens not to interrupt me when my pages are finally starting to come together!” Leaning back now in his cruddy wicker deck chair, stretching until his spine pops loudly between his shoulder blades the pudgy writer smiles and waves lazily at a mosquito buzzing by his ear. The garden isn’t huge, but it’s quiet and secluded with massive rhododendrons and lilac bushes, surrounded by forsythia and Russian Olive trees. The garden smells divine on this late spring afternoon. A big proponent of hostas and day lilies and all manner of shrubs, the writer is slowly rising from his chair. “What do you care anyway Benji? I didn’t think you even read my stuff.” Standing a few steps away, half buried in the overgrowth of a gargantuan rhododendron Benji quips “I fucking well don’t, but I caught Gary reading one in the tub last night and I could hear his breath catch in his throat. He moans ever so softly to himself when he reads anything racy. So I picked up the book to peruse the chapter he was reading and it was all about throbbing this, and heaving that, with glistening chests and wetness and moisture. Oh god! It’s so hackey, it’s like every tainted soft core porno trope wrapped up in a bow. I couldn’t believe Gary was so turned on by it!” Benji is sweating profusely under the partial cover of the shrub, not only because it’s thirty some odd degrees in the cloudless heat. “Gary reads my stuff? I’m touched. People keep buying it, so I’ll continue to write it. Also, as a side note, my mother wants you to deadhead my roses again this year, she likes to see the bushes in full bloom from her bedroom window.” Both men turn away from the rhododendron to face across the yard to the next house over, where a tiny ancient woman sits smiling and waving from her modest porch overlooking the garden. “Damn straight Benji!, my little Julian wants me to be able to see those roses in bloom! From my bed!” Benji’s face contorts between a smirk and a grimace. “Oh of course my dearie, any thing for you – you shrivelled hag” he mutters under his breath. “Come at me you bitch!” Blurts the elderly woman while waving both arthritic middle fingers around in a figure eight pattern. “You leave my lovely boys alone, you know how much my Gary and Julian mean to me!”

With the echos of the scream still bouncing off the protective shielding…

The man falls heavily to his knees. The harsh bitter cold of the metal floor is bone chilling, and it seeps through the rough canvas coveralls at the point where his knees touch the ground. The thick icy grasp of the medical bay floor hits him quickly. With puffs of breath raggedly exhaled into the cold chamber the man is stricken with waves of fear. Bursts of crystallized breath plum out of his mouth with his dogged panted breathing. Outside of view beyond the protective barrier, ensconced in utter blackness, the rest of the medical bay appears to have deteriorated considerably. Heard amongst the rattle of his breathing are the insistent chimes of his wrist biometrics unit churning out error codes and warning notifications. Slowly rising to his feet, with a frail wobble to his steps, as though he hasn’t stood up in weeks or months the man stumbles towards the pale blue glow of the protective shielding he is standing within. The static fuzz ignites off of his finger tips, radiating through his palms and up above his elbows. The skin on his hands shimmers and pulses under the low voltage passing through it. Turning to sit with his back resting against the security shielding the man limply slides back down to sit upon the freezing cold floor. Feeling he harsh bite of the frosty metal against his rump. The static pulse of the shielding is accompanied by the shrill urgent chiming of the wrist biometrics notifications throwing up error codes and streams of data too small for the man to read. Looking down at the shimmering, rippling skin on his hands, his focus pulled away from the odd undulation of his flesh from the static from the security shield, he stares blankly at the wrist biometric unit. This is brand new he thinks soundlessly. “Yes… Yes it is”. Answers the empty darkness. Jumping to his feet, turning around, bare feet pattering the ground, the numbness now reaching his hips, the man screams again. A blood curdling, epic scream of madness. “Don’t be alarmed, we are you, that is to say, you are us. We are one. Do you understand?” speaks the disembodied voice, as clear as day, as though it were stood mere centimeters from his ear. Jumping with fright at each punctuated word, turning both this way and that, the man is frantic. Scattering bits of dust and debris, he searches the small med pod bay looking for the source of the voice. “No need to look for us, we are you, you are us, we are one. Together. Do you understand us. We know you speak a variant of the English language. Not American, nor British by Canadian English… yes?” speaks the voice in a slow drawl. Nod if you can hear us, do you understand the words you are hearing – Oh no. Here we go! Brace for impact… protect the head, protect the head! , make sure the tongue doesn’t slide back down the throat!”. The man crumples into a heap and promptly passes out. “Well, this is no good. We have to clear these notifications and sort out our access if we’re ever going to do anything useful with this vessel. We know, we know. Yes, I am aware of that. It does pose considerable challenges. No I am not currently aware of anything or anyone else quite like us, we… me.” The voices which can be heard sound muffled as though they were coming from another room down a shared hallway. Certain words are distinct but much of it flows together and is incomprehensible. Slowly everything fades to black, again.

**Another new installment of the interconnected space serial from 2020: The Chronicles of Kelvin.

In the stark white brilliance of the medical pods internal lighting…

My vision fades from inky blackness to a dazzling white hot fire. Through the fuzz of far too dilated eyes in sudden brightness I can just make out my greyed, and cracked skeletal hand pressed upon the domed glass. The sensation of a deep cold burning the palm of my hand slowly crawls it’s way into my thoughts. Jerking my weak and flimsy hand back off the glass while tearing off the finger pads with the motion. The tear of the skin is audible like a seam popping on cheaply made pants. In the stifling silence I realize that I am alive, barely, and I do not know why. Left upon the surface of the glass are five perfect finger prints which start to flake off the frozen glass before my eyes.

The once plush and padded all white interior on which I am splayed is now all grey and faded to a crusty brown, spattered with spots of orange, yellow and mustard coloured stains. As I wriggle around in search of the internal release latch, dust plumes fill the air making me cough violently. The claustrophobic tightness of the painfully cold harness, the dazzlingly bright white lights, and choking clouds of dust add to my confusion and panic. The interior of the med pod is freezing cold, so cold I can see whisps of breathe and a crystalline pattern on the domed glass matching the outline of my hand print, now contrasted greatly by the dust particles cascading off my dissolving finger pads. The radiant glare of the lights is awfully blinding. My eyes feel as though they are on fire, as though I haven’t blinked in weeks. My throat is parched and feels cracked. My tongue thick and numb inside my mouth. My breath rattles thickly in my chest. I can feel my ribs creaking beneath my coveralls. An audible rumble of my intestines disrupts the silence, punctuated only by the ragged short breaths I’m taking. Peering through the frosted glass looking outside the medical pod I catch sight of something that is down beside and below me, decayed and worn is an oddly familiar Edubot of an orange colour. It is in a terrible state of disrepair. The tank like track treads have worn through completely and peeled off the guide wheels. It appears to have crept over to the side of the med pod to manually interface with the pods override functions. It’s lone protruding finger pressed firmly against the med pod reset button. But why? What possible reason would the ships medical bay have for cutting off life support. All I can see within the medical bay is the small pale blue illuminated circle encased in our atmospheric protection dome. A shimmering curtain of pure energy. The ship must truly be in trouble for this last ditch security feature to have deployed. By the state of the looming darkness beyond, the ship has been derelict for quite some time. Finding and triggering the latch to release the pods internal restraints with a loud click. Reaching up to push the fabric harness to the med pod out of my way I can see the ghastly grey pallor of my skin beginning to fade, and a bluish tinted pink replace it. As I watch there is a certain plumpness that seems to fill out my emaciated hands and arms. A flush of warmth rushing to my extremities, filling my chest and clearing my head. A sudden chirp from the biometrics on my wristband has started to chime with notifications. An error code I don’t recognize is flashing double time on the small OLED screen on my wrist, I must plug in to the med bays internal computer to figure out what is going on. I have never seen such a code before. The interface on my wrist biometrics is brand new, and not a model that I’ve ever seen. Everything is so strange. Colours and sounds are off kilter, at once too sharp and yet fuzzy. My balance is shot even as I am laying down. My limbs feel foreign to me. I begin to panic while I can’t find my equilibrium. My heart is thumping savagely in my chest. As I thrash about inside the med pod I finally pull the main release latch and the outer dome sweeps out into the open room. A faint tinge of machine oil and stringent cleaners can be tasted on the stale air. Mixed with ozone burning off the protective energy shield. A massive cloud of dust bursts forth with the air pressure change. Trying to calm myself I swing my legs around to try and step out of the raised pod. The once soft padding crumbling under my shifting weight. The cloth comes apart like parchment paper. There is a significant lag between thinking about putting my feet down on the step just outside the pod and my limbs actually doing it. The sensation is uncomfortable, like trying to pilot my own body from seven feet in the air above my head. Trying to swallow my rising panic I have to reach out and put my weight down on the Edubot as I clamber out of the medical pod. The sole of my foot sticks to the ice cold metal step, and the pain of the icy burn races up my leg. Peeling my foot slowly off the step, skin sticking to the surface, the pain makes me focus. Looking around at the pale blue shimmering safety curtain of energy surrounding the pod my attention is called back to the insistent chime of my wrist biometric monitor. “What is going on?” I croak into the silence of the illuminated med bay. My voice, not quite my own, or how I remember it, reverberates off the powerful safety shielding. Looking beyond the sizzling ghostly curtain of the atmospheric safety dome I catch my first glimpse of my reflection. I am not myself. The surface of my skin is visibly crawling. I scream.

**A continuation of the interconnected space serial from 2020: The Chronicles of Kelvin. – Follow along over the next few weeks (hopefully) for the remaining installments of the story.