Have you ever felt like you used up one of your best ideas too early, for something or someone you later felt didn’t warrant such an epic idea? And as a result feel as though the idea you used didn’t get to reach its potential, and was otherwise stifled? Yeah – I feel that way an awful lot, and it’s most likely not really what’s going on. An idea in your noggin’ is one thing, the execution of said idea to bring it to life in the real world is another. If you don’t execute it with any kind of precision or skill it will feel wasted. But you have to know where that failure lies. Most likely it is with yourself. Rushing to meet a deadline, or procrastination about starting because you later realize the scope of the idea at 100% is well beyond you. That’s your fault. Gotta figure that kind of stuff out with pen & paper before you end up cutting corners, or justifying major changes to suit your available time & skill.
I don’t want to say that I’ve Dunning Kroeger’ed myself in the past, but I surely have. Thinking I’m better than how I actually accomplished a story arc, or character driven story vehicle. Frustrating. Although sometimes I’m in such a rush (read that as panic) to create content to accomplish my writing every day challenge I’ll write whatever is in my head that second, only to realize afterwards, I should have held that thought back to explore it in greater depth. But two or more posts back to back on the same thing seems… lack luster.
But then the Fair comes to town and I write about that four plus days in a row, so maybe I’m just over thinking things again. This isn’t a nationally syndicated column with gravitas and cultural weight attached to it. I’m just some schmoe who tried to write anything he could once a day, for a whole 365 days. That hardly makes me the pinnacle of anything, so the feelings of wasted ideas are silly. Foolish even. Get a god damn grip my boy!
So that is how I woke up feeling at 6:54 am today. Also, had an upset stomach, so that is what really woke me up, and as I laid back down in my toasty bed, I thought about what I wrote late last night, and how I should have saved that post for today. Not to get out of needing to write even more today, but so i could go over it, and expand on points i now feel i should talk about in more depth. But does it need it? Most likely no. It was just a feeling i had. Humans are weird.
I wonder if we’ve secretly had Covid in the last three years, because i feel, ever so slightly, around the edges that I’m getting dumber. Or something akin to that effect. I can’t quite pin point it, but there’s some obscured thing there. Like the boundaries of what i used to know a lot about are fuzzy now, like has my knowledge turned from things i know, into things i ‘think’ that I know? My memory of some things has gotten fuzzy, in the softest sense. Very strange. Forgetful. Losing a word in the middle of a sentence. Or no clue why I came into a room. Misremembered events from a book or movie. It’s not major, but it’s a softly misting haze at the outer edges. Weird. Could it be that I am merely experiencing the regular effects of aging like every body else? Or is it more. Don’t know.
And on that bomb shell shall we say ciao bella!
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