It’s a strange feeling when you learn to let go.

It can be really challenging to let go, whether it’s things, stuff, accumulated junk, perceived slights, missed opportunities,  whatever it may be. Knowing what you can comfortably give up, or get rid of and not have it gnaw at you is a hard won skill to have. Oh you are going to have the opposite to buyers remorse a few times when you start out. Misjudge what a thing means to you. But if you keep at it, and be as down to earth and real with yourself you’ll know exactly what you can, and cannot part with. Knowing your limitations is good. You can test it, expand it incrementally, but you have to know where that line is drawn so as to not hurt yourself (feelings – not physically). 20 year old me would lose his mind to hear about clearing out books, and clothes. I carted 24 or more 76L tote boxes of books and stuff around with me from move to move for years. Why? Because my stuff was what felt like home to me, not the location. We moved a fair bit in my youth, so people, friends, and locations don’t mean as much to me because we severed those connections (as I was so little) when we moved, so my home was my “things“. Materialistic much? Yeah. Gets real easy to fall into the must buy things trap. Surround myself with stuff to feel at home. But my situation is different now, as we’ve lived in the same house for 15 years. I’ve never stayed in one spot, let alone one house for that long. I feel like, for the first time, I’m putting roots down. It’s a strange realization. So I have to change. Have to heal. Let some of that shit go. Accept the parts that made me, well – me. But let go of some of that hurt. Don’t play the What if? game. Let it pass through you and be better afterward. That sounds glib. I’m no psychologist. I’d wager there is far more going on in the background than I can articulate. But understanding where your foibles stem from, looking at those circumstances with a critical eye, making adjustments to things that are harming you because of it, and trying to do better, is worth it. For me. Perhaps not for you.

Closets, drawers, dressers, book shelves, and my old wardrobe.  Stuff I haven’t touched in ten years. A good portion of it can go. Serve someone else as you have served me. Let someone less fortunate go work their first office job with my old dress shirts/pants. Let some teen read those fat ass books because I sure as hell wasn’t going to read them. Whether it was a style of writing I couldn’t get into, the subject matter, or any number of other reasons. No good holding on to that stuff just to look like I have a library at home. I’m not holding on to 1,000 books I don’t plan on reading, enjoying, or being challenged by, just to qualify my horde as a library. Ridiculous. Better served to go to the community at large. I’ll read twitter on my phone, and the occasional article, but I read best with a physical book in my hands. That hasn’t changed, and I don’t think it will. But also, if I choose incorrectly and buy a book I don’t like, I don’t feel as though I HAVE to keep that book for the rest of my life. Subtle difference. I wish I could read faster/on demand so that I could utilize a library. But my mood towards a book, even one I’m loving is so volatile I can’t stick to reading one in 10-14 days, as a general rule.

This has been a weird one. To summarize. Deep cleaning is good. Letting go of some things you’ve held on to for unhealthy reasons is good. Understanding where your tendencies stem from is good. Using that to change your life/habits little by little for the better is good. You will over do it early in the process, and hurt yourself. Be as truthful as you can be to yourself, and start small. Also I read so inconsistently I can’t seem to utilize a library very well, and continue to buy books most years, though not in the volume I once did. I am also ok with putting a book down part way in if it doesn’t do anything for me. I can give those books to others. It’s ok to not like/love every single book I pick up. Statistically speaking that was an unlikely expectation in the first place.

Happy Christmas Eve, to all whom celebrate. We have more rain, fog and potential for freezing rain. Not much going on around here this Sunday December 24th, 2023.

Sobering moment.

Last night my oldest fell (for a silly reason I won’t mention to avoid further embarrassment) and cut herself fairly badly on a tin can from our recycling. What saddened me was she was so afraid I’d be mad that she hid the actual scalloped wound and only showed me this very minor scrape on the outside of her shoulder. But as she became very pale, I asked her to go lie down, and if she needed a bucket, because she is prone to vomiting at blood/pain. This should have been my first clue to stop and really examine her. But I asked and asked “are you ok?” And didn’t pry or really focus. Her ashen face really should have twigged my senses and I dropped that ball, badly. It wasn’t until later at night when she wanted to replace a bandaid for bed, which she had secretly put on earlier, that my wife and I saw the true extent of her real injury. A 2.5 inch long gash, nah! Scalloped divot cut out of her arm pit (or near enough) that was still bleeding 2 hrs in. We dabbed it, and added Polysporin, and applied a larger sterile pad, and sent her to bed. But it bothered me that she was more afraid we’d be mad, than seek help for what very nearly could have been a horrific injury. Had it of gotten into her actual armpit, hit a lymph node, or worse an artery, she’d have hidden it and bled out before we knew enough to apply a tourniquet which I have in the house for lacerations! I was terribly angry at myself, one; for the cut lids being up on the cans I’d opened that day, and two; my child being afraid I’d be mad about a little mess on the floor rather than being concerned for her well being. I realize I harp on at them for making messes, and their lackadaisical cleaning efforts, but I’d hoped they knew I loved them more than I care about a clean kitchen floor.

Seems I have some revaluation of my demeanor to look into. I say “I love you”, lots, but do I show it enough? I realize I’m not terribly sympathetic. Usually it’s a result of people hurting themselves by doing exactly what I have asked them not to, in order to avoid injury. So… I should work on that. By being more sympathetic, and having greater empathy for little kids trying to learn by doing. Gotta make those mistakes to learn the hard lessons I guess. I wanted to shield them from all that pain, but they do it anyway, much to my annoyance. So there. Yes. It’s all me. I definitely need to work on that. Seek out to comfort first, before being annoyed or upset. Leave the lecture for after we’ve all been patched up and looked after. Sounds reasonable. What a way to learn that lesson for myself. Yikes. I feel terrible about it. I’m writing it down, so it won’t soon be forgotten. Cheese. Huh.

Yeah – so welcome to Thursday. Talent show today. Hope that goes ok, as we’ve got more rain and storms coming. Not to mention my daughters injury to contend with for her act. I need to go edit some photography, and look over my daughters book report. Take care. Feel free to be introspective today too. Ciao Bella!

The news was unwelcome,

And was not taken in stride. Rather Racquelle receded into herself at the news of the impending Company flotilla. Twelve vessels ranging from city sized behemoths, to mid range ships capable of holding forty thousand or more. Then there are the smaller ships that barely hold more than a few thousand. The behemoths will disgorge a vast swarm of fighters, drop ships, escorts and work vehicles. As far as Racquelle was concerned this was going to be a massacre. A fast, violent and ultimately brutal escapade in her otherwise hard won life. No stranger to storming ships like a pirate to capture crew and cargo for the doctor. But somewhere deep down she always thought she’d retire to a far off colony, to spend the rest of her days turning soil at the hands of a shovel. The rich thick scent of muddy loam firmly entrenched in her nostrils. A patchy cloud covered sky overhead, and a fading sunset a part of her last days alive. The impartiality of the news given by K, and its humanoid companion Katayna, a icy dagger into her heart.

Much to her dismay K had created a massive countdown clock that was visible no matter where Racquelle turned. Whether to torture her, or remove all doubt of the looming invasion, she didn’t know, and didn’t venture to ask. Choosing instead to wrap herself in gluttonous meals, and warm blankets woven from the remains of K’s original crew, when K was not a former human & ship amalgam, but a star faring human from centuries before. The tender soft brush of cool silks against her cheeks were of little solace. The meals, while sumptuous, tasted of ash and decay. Her sleep wracked with despair, and her waking moments drowned under a pall of frozen terror.

Twisted in her sheets, staring blindly out of the windows provided by K, Racquelle sits, motionless waiting for the first signs of contact. A subtle shift in the stars. A blinking out to black as the back drop becomes obscured by the viscious Company flotilla. All the while, the large colorless numbers creep ever onwards towards zero.

“Racquelle dear, would you please open the door. I know enough about you that I don’t wish to break in against your will. Please. I have urgent news.” Katayna whispers through the doors to Racquelle’s quarters. In a fit of humanity, she lays her head against the door with a light thud. The oddly heavy, and dense nanotech make up of her body making her much heavier than one would think. After a pause the door hatch clinks as the locks unlatch. Taking a moment to let the door open entirely before entering Katayna flexes her hands nervously. The intense social interaction with Racquelle has rubbed off on her noticeably. Taking on more and more subconscious ticks, like blinking, pupil dilation, coughs and finding reasons to play with her finger nails, such as they are.

“Racquelle, I have some rather disturbing news.” Whispers Katayna as she glides into the room. “Great!, is there a secondary fleet too?” Shouts Racquelle from within the tangled sheets of her bed. “Well, yes, in a manner of speaking, but that isn’t why I need to talk to you.” Answers Katayna. “What!?!, what do you mean that’s not the news you want to talk to me about, what could possible be more important?” Shrieks Racquelle in a hysterically shrill moan. “I do believe the second grouping to have originated from UB313, and would be classified as friendlies. Potentially. Though I’m sensing more organic material than normal out of that cluster. But based on human DNA. Odd, really.” She says, pulling a face, her head tilting less dramatically to the side while recalling other data. “No – my issue is I have discovered a partition, well several if them in our data banks. They are road blocks we, I, K and myself cannot penetrate, but we estimate they contain the same quantity of data as we have decrypted from the slew of outgoing messages we’ve found. I need you to try to breach the partitions for me.” Whispers Katayna so quietly that Racquelle has to hold her breath in order to hear it entirely.

“Even with all of the new data processing power we’ve managed to plug into, we can’t break the partitions. I think it has something to do with you. Something you did, or are going to do?” Katayna rasps into the darkness of Racquelle’s room.

Part Forty: Ghost of the Dirty Starling.

“Can you feel it? That static buzzing in the air?”

The man is positively vibrating with energy, he is so excited. People under duress tend to fall into one of three categories, all out terror, unbridled excitement, or total apathy. My friend here is a category two, I’m more of a three who swings into a category one when I’m trying to get any sleep.  My man Encino here is an adrenaline junkie, and he’s so excited to go kill some ‘bad guys’ that he seems to be able to walk on air he is so elated. Big dude, but didn’t quite hit the mark to pilot his own walking tanker unit. So he balked at the chance to be a Fire Team leader while sulking, and instead is our squads heavy. In size and savagery. You need a jar, or a chest cavity opened, he’s your boy. Not an ounce of fat on him, and no self doubt either. He’s a real menace when the Mississippi leg hound in him takes full effect. He doesn’t have many close friends, let’s put it that way, but he’s a hulking, useful idiot. My role, unofficially that is, is to guide his worst, yet most squad beneficial tendencies towards our targets and goals. Wind him up, point him in the direction where his carnage suits our needs, then collect him afterwards.

“That’s the static charge coming off of the rail guns, if I have my ship board weapons load out correct. We’re placed directly behind the port side battery, and there’s a slug loader located directly underneath our dormitory. That lump, dump, bap bap bap, we here is them testing the auto loader, and switching between round types. The heavier the slug the harder we feel the spring loaded arms collapse into place.” I said, knowing full well that Encino isn’t really listening to me.

He’s staring out the view port from our common room lounge watching the welders doing EVA’s while attaching additional guns and armor plating to the hull. The shielded torches they are using spew white phosphorus out a ceramic nozzle, and occasionally sputters and splatters of weld material pop off and float around like angry fire flies. The wash of the phosphorus lights up the hull for several meters even in the inky blackness, and you start to get a sense of just how massive some of The Company’s vessels really are. Those brilliantly bright spots are scattered all over the hull, at least from our vantage point. The scale is immense, and terrifying. This ship, The Dirty Starling is humongous. A real behemoth of man made ingenuity. Encino is standing with his broad nose pressed firmly against the clear concrete glass, his breath shooting waves of condensation radiating out from his face every few seconds. He is visibly excited, and bumping the glass with every breath he takes. Flecks of spittle splash the glass each time he talks.

“Could you imagine being a pilot?” Encino says, his voice muffled due to his face being pressed against the glass. “The big ships aren’t all that much fun to pilot, the navigators do all the heavy lifting anyway.” I say, now that I’m comfortable in my own lounge chair, and I can tell that Encino is here to stay for a while. No need to stand needlessly while I babysit him. Taking my seat I look around the room to make sure we won’t get any surprise visitors.

I occasionally have to wave off both men and women that swing by from other squads or departments who come to look at him when he isn’t paying attention. Sure he’s handsome. But, he’s big, mean and not what you’d call a gentle lover. That big dumb grin of his seems to pull anyone not using their brain into his orbit of any sexual orientation you can imagine, and then I have hours of paper work to file on his behalf. I’ve made it known he’d be more inclined to enjoy fucking a raging bull moose than a typical human, but that grin, and his muscles lure them in anyway. I can only unfurl so many human pretzels in my life time. The only acknowledgement from Encino on the matter was a surprise “I really hurt him.” He said, once, over breakfast when reaching for an apple.

Outside in the vacuum the welders are walking over the kilometers of hull plates looking for any signs of weakness and damage. As the flotilla wide count down clocks draw nearer to zero, the pace of the work increases. Tiny single person vehicles scuttle about, holding weapons, or beams or instrumentation clutched in their extendable arms. The pilots have one hand in a haptic glove which allows them to perform some very minute actions with the claws, or other tools on the end of the arm. Imagine a tuna can flying fat sides forward and back, with a torso sized bubble out the front, and a massive multi tiered arm mounted below it. The back is all thruster cones and a rack for spare tooling for the arms. Cameras and lights fill the rest of the space on the small squat crab unit. That’s our boy Encino’s dream vehicle. To mill about space in a rickety old crab unit, fixing stuff and exploring the exterior of any large vessel. All the while dressed for EVA, because those crab units don’t have any life support in them. Step in and go! Handy if you’re rated for the appropriate exterior working gear. I mean, you could potentially use out fight suits in it, but you couldn’t weld anything as that 5000 degree phosphorus would bleed right through the material in seconds. All of the low level pilots onboard the Dirty Starling have their welders guild licences. Those orange and black tuna cans are pretty nimble when they want to be. I think they are ugly as all get out, but to Encino, that shit’s The Tits.

The PA system crackles to life drawing me out of my reverie. “This is a flotilla wide announcement. We have T-Minus six hours until we commence Operation Scouring Pad. Please meet at your designated muster stations when we reach T-Minus two hours. Your station chiefs will see that you are prepped, dressed and loaded into the appropriate transports, based on waves, and objectives. This message will repeat…”

The crackle dies down as the volume of the message drops a few percent after each repetition. A large flashing blue and orange light let’s us know that we can still tune in to the flotilla wide communications channel directly from our wrist biometrics to hear the message or read it if need be. The machine shop guys usually need to read them while the shop is so uncomfortably loud.

“You know what the favourite part of my day is.” Encino asks me as we walk side by side to our muster station together. “That brief second when I catch the smell of my neck ring going over my head. It smells like the beach near where I grew up.” He smiles at this. He doesn’t follow it up with anything else. All I can think about is how after three months the battle is only a few hours away, and I need to take a shit.

Part Thirty Eight: Ghost of the Dirty Starling.

How attached to your written characters are you?

As far as I am concerned 99% of my characters are expendable, in as brutal or mundane a fashion as possible. I like to build something up only to fizzle in an unexpected manner, or for the pay off for the characters actions to be as empty as they tend to be in real life. We know the feeling. Same some bridezilla’s get after a year or two of planning a wedding, or a kid building up Christmas morning, only for it to come as this fleeting whisper of what you’d built up in your head, and then it’s done, and you are right back where you were, only now, your every waking moment isn’t spent pouring over details of this supposed magical day, and you feel a little empty or lost without the goal you’ve focused on so hard.

Then there are the 1% of characters who practically write themselves. They lead the story into unexpected territory, and can really turn one of my surface level short stories into something more compelling and create interesting problems to solve.

For those select few of you whom have read a couple of my interconnected shorts will know I don’t write my characters very deeply, they talk and do stuff, but their appearance is left fairly unremarked upon unless I feel there is a trait that sets them apart that will come up, or makes a point in the story. I’m not a “she breasted boobily” down the stairs kind of a writer, if that makes sense. Sure some characters have intercourse, but that’s not the point. Many are straight, lesbian, gay or androgynous or other, and I want them to be people, not their personal orientation.

To me they are just “folks”, they live, breathe, eat, defecate and work. They get irritated by one another and get snarky or playful as they see fit. If someone is going to affect a lisp or mumble it’ll be because they have a broken jaw, or were punched in the face. Not that I don’t operate with cliches or generalities, these are micro shorts so I need an explanatory short hand to fill in the blanks.

But, yeah… I like to kill them off. Or at least render their best laid plans moot wherever possible. I think that’s funny. Even my best laid plans fall apart at the hands of some one elses illogical choices, feelings and actions, so why wouldn’t that fate befall my characters too. These aren’t military disciplined combat troops, most are working class trades people silo’d into their own small social circles, or are corporate stooges looking to increase their bank accounts or prestige levels with little regard for those around them. Why would they do anything more than surface level planning for the pawns in their own games. Exit strategy? Not likely. Poisoned drink, or a bullet in the chest more like it.

Are you lot precious with your characters? Do you put them through hell or do you hold back on some? Are they fit for the meat grinder, or a mild annoyance?

Time.

What is time. What has time to do with me. I’ve slept adrift in the blank depths of the cosmos. Time has no meaning here. I sense in the far reaches of my being that at one point time was everything. Now it is nothing. What is time to the dead and crumbling. The passing of dust into matter back to dust once more. On and on at scales so grand and so minute as to be virtually meaningless to me – to me or to us. Am I me or are we us now. I was man, then dead, now reborn as an other. A collective – a hive mind? No, still singular but fractured. As though the dust motes falling from my body retained the essence of me and thought, action and will.

Aboard the decrepit vessel there was once a man and his trusty educational bot. They survived tragedy, insanity and isolation for many decades together. That was until the human man’s body began to degrade and fail him. As a last ditch measure the edu bot laid that old withered man gently down into a med pod and with manual over ride after manual over ride poured billions of Nano bots into his body. Over the passage of centuries the limp desiccated body shifted and writhed as treatment after treatment flooded his organs and tissues to replace him with inorganic machine based life. To the wonderment of only the vaguest stars in the sky he awoke with a sputtered gasp. He promptly fell into the icy frost grip of despair.

For millenia this thing walked the crumbling halls of his ship looking for a sign of where he was or what he is. All the while dropping parts of himself about the vessel. Living, replicating, intelligent specks of himself that fed upon the ship and in turn reshaping, rebuilding it in his image. Every exhalation, bowel movement or cough delivered more of himself unto the ship, bringing it closer to himself. Unbeknownst to this fragile mind. The wandering lost soul was expanding his consciousness at a geometric rate.

It was a cool Thursday morning in autumn when the machine made man felt the ship shudder under his feet. What had he been thinking about? Direction, aim, trajectory – the answer was on the tip of his tongue but would not come. Lifting his arms up as though gliding on the air current and turning in a downward spiral to his right, he was immediately swept from his feet and pulled to the left wall in a steep bank as though the ship were in a suicide dive. Scared witless he screamed out and the vessel righted itself immediately. Thinking aloud to do a similar move but upwards and to the left, he felt his feet lift from the ground as he came to rest upon the lower right portion of the hallway floor.

Was it centuries, millenia or merely decades before the man come ship found itself seeking out and transporting itself through wormholes. Dimensions, time, the fabric of space itself was no obstacle for the amalgam once known as Kelvin. In the blink of an eye, the flash of a dying star, the waves of disrupted gravity Kelvin crossed both the known and the unknowable.

What is time to something that belongs to the ice cold dread of the depths of space, that which lingers in the interstitial spaces between things.

Somewhere a beacon is triggered as a momentous build up of energy cackles out of the ether. With a blast of improbable energy a lone signal careens off through the galaxy, bouncing off of signal repeaters and dishes until an analog bulb of rusty orange pops to life on a decades old communications terminal on a science vessel named The Dirty Starling.

Part Six: Ghost of the Dirty Starling.

Sirens have begun to blare in the common spaces of the dormitory…

And all other common spaces aboard the UB313 dark site base. Strobing orange and blue lights spin with reckless abandon upon every flat surface alerting everyone to the mission at hand. The blisteringly cold air inside the base has a crisp tension to it now. The taught faces on everyone who passes along the gangways and in the halls makes the fear and excitement most palpable.

The away teams Eta & Theta have scrambled to their muster stations, and are reading their data packets in preparation for their impending departure. No direct route, just an order to get out to Lagrange point five out beyond Pluto / Charon and await further instructions there. The away teams are running at one third man power, and they have orders to add in the lost crew members weight in additional fuel cells or hard uranium pellets.

Looks as though the rosters were drawn at random within each team, as the crew compliments differ between Eta & Theta. One team appears to be all command, and the other all various types of grunts. No idea if the point is to work in tandem or to be isolated in obtaining the asset – whatever it is.

Muffled shouts and clanking of boots and machine parts on the rough metal grates makes it hard to think. Their are service vehicles and lift trucks going about their business as usual, and the machine shop people are busy retrofitting anything they can get their hands on. The screech and rattle of unbalanced loads in the lathes and cnc’s is nearly deafening. The light in here is dim, and the smell of acrid smoke and burning lubricants permeates the air. Air quality on UB313 is usually shit at the best of time, add propane engines, and burnt lubricants to that, and a million other solvents and you have the quality toxic cloud of air that we call home. Hanging down from the rough hewn rock ceilings are the under powered exhaust vents, miles of pipes and cables all tied together and mounted off of swinging all too thin chains. It really looks like a last ditch attempt to make the best of a bad situation. You’d be hard pressed to know this base has been operational for several hundred standard years. The hard worn and battered baffles that are up on ceiling swing wildly under the chaotic air currents and draughts.

The closely knit teams are already communicating with hand signals or on our closed circuit sub-vocal channels. Sounds like we stand to make a pretty good chunk of cash if we pull this daring heist off successfully. Will be left to rot in the surgical bay at the hands of the beast should we fail. The check lists for deployment are hours long and deeply intricate. Call from upstairs says be ready to drop in six hours time. So much to do, so little time.

All around the drop ships, the ground crews are scrambling to check off multiple items at a time. Oil slicked hands drop nuts to instrumental bolts, and sweat pours profusely from every pore. The stink of old breath and sweat mixed with oils, grease and desperation are an unwelcome but well known element to a dark ops deployment this far away from civilization. When you work to destabilize, steal and corrupt everything around you, the smell of fear is always nestled in your nose, and resting upon the back of your tongue so you can taste its fetid presence.

Part six: Ghost of the Dirty Starling.

“Sorry about that little incident on your way in Mark”…

Says the man in the burgundy jumpsuit. Jones is his name, he’s the director for this particular terminal bay which is part of the signals intelligence division aboard the Dirty Starling. Now that the orange jump suited menace has commandeered my services for longer than my usual one four hour stint, he has chosen to acknowledge my presence.

Part of my role as a Half-Three or ship board Ghost crew member is to be able to swoop in to assume control of some small portion of the ships systems and keep it moving for at least three hours, until someone more qualified can take over. I’m meant to be inconspicuous, that’s why we’re all colour coded. No need to ask what you do or what your qualifications are, if that position needs a blue, or green or yellow or red or burgundy body in it, and you see one there, all is well. Otherwise if you see a beige outfit, you know you’ll get a modest output for the next couple of hours, and not to worry. I’m a permanent temp worker that can shift between the machine shop, science division, mess hall or surgical bays and just about everything in between. But much like a ghost, I drift from sector to sector covering off shifts, mishaps and personnel errors for brief periods, and move on. The only place I spend any real time in one spot is my room across the ship, and that’s usually only for forty eight hours after I rotate off duty. The mental state I enter is much like a trance and it takes a deep physical toll on me, so my first twenty four hours after shift are spent asleep, where my deeply embedded programing in my brain works overclocked in order to repair my body and get me ready to do it all over again. This trance leaves me with fairly large gaps in my memory – meeting people or learning top secret details usually lasts long enough in my memory to function for a short term task, and then gets dropped as I rest between shifts.

“we’re just going to get you to work over by the viewing port along the back of the room, you’ll see a partition back there, walk through that and man the bank of terminals there. They are much older machines, and you likely won’t see of hear from any of us during your stay here. Just keep the lights on so to speak! We’ve got the really exceptional equipment going on our end, you are just sweeping areas of little or no interest to our project. As per standard procedure, should you locate something note worthy – which you won’t – make a note of it and follow the appropriate protocols”. With that Jones turns on his heel and disappears into the tangle of people, wires and upgraded terminals in the open terminal bay.

I take one sweeping look at the cavernous terminal bay, with all of it’s loose wires and fancy equipment. The floor is a rough open grating, and there appears to be about a thousand miles of cabling and pipes running under foot. Lots of different colours. We’re real big on colour coding in space. It’s like looking at a coral reef under foot, except there are no fish to complement the static cables with flurishes of movement. The soft crunch and scrape of my boots I getting easier to hear the further across the room I get towards the view ports. The concrete glass used on research vessels the size of the Dirty Starling are a somewhat old invention, but given new life in space. Their only downside is that they echo like a mother fucker, so that’s most likely why Jones or his orange boss have draped print outs of star charts and conversion tables across the panes of what looks like crystal clear glass. Walking for several minutes, I can see the far wall where the partition should be. I don’t see anything from fifty paces. My wrist navigator isn’t blinking or beeping, so I’ll just need to feel this out unaided. There is no sign of anything over in the corner, so I walk up to the enormous star chart against the glass. I run my hands over all of the minute details. Oh, the map is textured – how lovely. It’s semi opaque with a light purple raised ink on it that shimmers in the dim light. The point I touch begins to glow. It is bioluminescent. No flickering, a solid violet in the now dim ambient light. Out of the corner of my eye I see an orange and red twinkle of light. Turning to look over my left shoulder I see it’s a reflection on the glass from what seems like a solid featureless wall. Taking a few cautious steps forward I notice that the partition as they call it is a cut out in the wall that is set back, so the wall looks unbroken, but there is a cubby tucked away inside. The closer I get the easier it is to hear the ticking and whirling of the analogue equipment. The eight meter long u shaped panel is covered on three sides with huge lead panels and a water tank with something gently sloshing around inside.

With my hands on the walls I stick my head tentatively inside the room. The walls are almost bare but have clip boards full of hand written notes. Lots of warning signs and labels pinned together on a cork board, and a bookcase full of technical manuals. A bell chimes over the loud speakers so I look down at my left wrist and mark off the shift change. A high pitch peel sounds from my wrist communicator, a new message has just come in.

Ref Code Omega_00000007 You have been assigned to Signals Intelligence Analog Panel Maintenance indefinitely. Continue six shift protocols in preparation for supplemental orders. ••TRIGGER Sword Initiative {Clementine} •• [Signals found emanating from ZULU Quadrant 03-06-09917] CAPTURE**

My pupils dilate until almost entirely black, my care free laissez-faire attitude melts away – an automaton like figure bends down low over the analog signals panel, it begins to press a series of buttons, flipping switches and turning dial knobs. The empty black light bulb at the center of the console slowly begins to glow a dim orange barely visible even in the near total darkness of the small secluded room.

Part Three: Ghost of the Dirty Starling.

Three weeks of writing everyday

And what have I learned, or what is my major take away? It’s this… I still can’t figure out how to get in the groove to write any new fiction/non-fiction creative writing for a (micro) short story. I have had a couple of flickers of story ideas flash through my mind, but nothing I’ve been able to jot down on paper or contemplate long enough to find my way through it. Which is… annoying, I suppose. I’m not a writer per se, but I really did enjoy putting 60,000 plus words together in a somewhat cohesive story line in 2020 and early 2021. I always wanted to write a book, and I did it. I guess I thought that once I had done it I would be able to revisit that ability at will. That is proving to not be the case, at least at the moment. I’m what?, annoyed… yeah a little, disappointed…. sort of… feeling like it’s just a bit of a funk? Most likely. Much like any of my creative endeavors, if I force it, I’ll only produce forced garbage, but if I maintain some discipline and attempt to do something along those lines every day, at some point something will click or an idea will catch and my habit of doing it for a little bit every single day might stretch out and I could get on to something. Could, might, maybe, if… not possibilities to shy away from this early into the new year. I hope the month of January finds you all clear headed, and with vibrant ideas flowing from your finger tips.

Why, oh why

Do my children insist on trying to communicate with me at the pitch of a whiney tea kettle. A stream of unending vowels and consonants imitating the squealed peel of an agitated dolphin. To my hearing lossed ears it’s just a pointless whistle that contains no information at all. Like a fire alarm in a high C monotone in which I am requested to decipher both the meaning and an action plan remedy. Followed, obviously by tears, flailing and shouting from the other sibling in response. And it happens constantly no matter how many times I tell them that I don’t speak tea kettle, dolphin, or whistle languages fluently. The Joy’s of parenthood I suppose. Blessed.