Up before 5:00 am…

Too scared she’ll miss the bus for the Royal Ontario Museum trip today. Not that the bus isn’t going to leave until around 9:00am or anything. No, had to be up and dressed, waiting at the door before I even woke up this morning. Lord knows what the kids will do come Christmas morning!

We did hit a small snag, in that our usual vehicle is in the shop for repairs so we have a borrowed vehicle for a few days. One that does not contain an ice scraper, so I had I sit in it while it warmed up enough to clear the windshield. Then I used the blade of my hands to clear tactical spots on the side windows so that I could see out, and use the mirrors. The spare scraper from inside the house has gone missing, which I wasn’t aware it had even been used yet, by anyone. So that reserve item needs to be found and/or replaced sharpish. Crisis was averted and we made it to school without too many tears or outbursts from either kid. The youngest has had her nose out of joint for a few days due to all the build up concerning the bus rides and ROM trip into downtown. She is a jealous little beastie. Not good with expressing joy for others if she isn’t getting anything out of the situation either. We will need to work on that. But, in the end I got them to school, dressed, and without tears being shed. A win for me, a slight one at that, but I’ll take it.

My lone nostril issue seems to fade in, fade out as the days go by. I have noticed that when I take my temperature it can range from anywhere between 35.6° to 37.1° Celcius. Which seems weird to me. But no positivity on a RAT, and no other issues I can think of. Fatigue has subsided, almost as quickly as it came on, but that’s pretty standard for me. Nasty guts is no barometer to go by for me for new or worsening illness, so all things being equal, that’s par for the course in my life currently. I can breathe out of both nostrils no new head aches. No sore throat. No cough or lung/rib pain. Sense of smell and taste are very much alive & well. Possibly just a cold? Hard to know at this point. It wasn’t all that bad. Just felt kinda off. Not wretchedly ill, as with other nasty bugs we’ve caught before.

Funny story, I developed Crohn’s Disease about six months after having the worst flu of my life, one Christmas when I was twelve. My grand parents were visiting from England that year, and I was in my pj’s, lying on the floor of the family room watching tv with my family, when I burped out of no where. And I remember turning away from the tv to tell my mum, “I can taste rotten eggs”. She gave me a puzzled look, and by the following morning I was feverish, and vomiting and having all sorts of gastric distress.

Do you remember that old Tom Petty music video about Alice in wonderland where her body becomes cake and the mad hatter and the rabbit eat her as she watches and screams, while lying on a table? That happened in my dream. And a dark black room, with white and black checker board floors began to get longer, as if the rear wall was falling away, and the floors curled, and buckled, and bulged, as my bed became all topsy turvy like a Tim Burton film set. I had days of a high fever, and had the same fifteen seconds of dream a thousand times over on repeat, until it just cleared up and went away. – Then one late May afternoon when at Canada’s Wonderland on a school trip Crohn’s Disease decided to make itself known to me, and that has been my life ever since. That was 2013. Fun times. Weird memory to recall so vividly. Huh. I am not entirely sure if that was when I developed the grey forelock of hair that I’ve had since forever, but is not in any childhood photos before my early teens. Could be. Or maybe not.

As of 4:48pm today we are officially into winter! A new season is upon us. And the shortest day will happen, and then the evenings will ever so slowly begin to get lighter later. Just a handful of seconds per day. I hope you have a wonderful winter break. And have restful holidays whatever you celebrate. Take care out there. Ciao Bella!

The Black Pepper Society.

Have you ever felt like you used up one of your best ideas too early, for something or someone you later felt didn’t warrant such an epic idea? And as a result feel as though the idea you used didn’t get to reach its potential, and was otherwise stifled? Yeah – I feel that way an awful lot, and it’s most likely not really what’s going on. An idea in your noggin’ is one thing, the execution of said idea to bring it to life in the real world is another. If you don’t execute it with any kind of precision or skill it will feel wasted. But you have to know where that failure lies. Most likely it is with yourself. Rushing to meet a deadline, or procrastination about starting because you later realize the scope of the idea at 100% is well beyond you. That’s your fault. Gotta figure that kind of stuff out with pen & paper before you end up cutting corners, or justifying major changes to suit your available time & skill.

I don’t want to say that I’ve Dunning Kroeger’ed myself in the past, but I surely have. Thinking I’m better than how I actually accomplished a story arc, or character driven story vehicle. Frustrating. Although sometimes I’m in such a rush (read that as panic) to create content to accomplish my writing every day challenge I’ll write whatever is in my head that second, only to realize afterwards, I should have held that thought back to explore it in greater depth. But two or more posts back to back on the same thing seems… lack luster.

But then the Fair comes to town and I write about that four plus days in a row, so maybe I’m just over thinking things again. This isn’t a nationally syndicated column with gravitas and cultural weight attached to it. I’m just some schmoe who tried to write anything he could once a day, for a whole 365 days. That hardly makes me the pinnacle of anything, so the feelings of wasted ideas are silly. Foolish even. Get a god damn grip my boy!

So that is how I woke up feeling at 6:54 am today. Also, had an upset stomach, so that is what really woke me up, and as I laid back down in my toasty bed, I thought about what I wrote late last night, and how I should have saved that post for today. Not to get out of needing to write even more today, but so i could go over it, and expand on points i now feel i should talk about in more depth. But does it need it? Most likely no. It was just a feeling i had. Humans are weird.

I wonder if we’ve secretly had Covid in the last three years, because i feel, ever so slightly, around the edges that I’m getting dumber. Or something akin to that effect. I can’t quite pin point it, but there’s some obscured thing there. Like the boundaries of what i used to know a lot about are fuzzy now, like has my knowledge turned from things i know, into things i ‘think’ that I know? My memory of some things has gotten fuzzy, in the softest sense. Very strange. Forgetful. Losing a word in the middle of a sentence. Or no clue why I came into a room. Misremembered events from a book or movie. It’s not major, but it’s a softly misting haze at the outer edges. Weird. Could it be that I am merely experiencing the regular effects of aging like every body else? Or is it more. Don’t know.

And on that bomb shell shall we say ciao bella!