simple – Greatwall Studios Graphic Design

For so long, I mean, it’s kind of disgusting… the smut that you write.” Barks the stout middle aged man whilst walking around in the garden of the slovenly seated man. He is sat slumped in a deck chair, bent low over his dirty keyboard, the man looks up from his cracked screen and blinks rapidly in the glare of the hot overhead sun. Both to moisten his eyes after staring for a long period of time, and to give himself an excuse to cultivate a scathing rebuttal. “It isn’t smut, fuck you very much, it’s romance. And I do not apologize for my romantic bent having a thoroughly sexual vein running through it. If you pardon my phallic pun of sorts.” Quips the pudgy gentleman from his rustic looking deck chair. “Who the fuck asked you in the first place? As I recall, Benji, I pay you to look after my gardens not to interrupt me when my pages are finally starting to come together!” Leaning back now in his cruddy wicker deck chair, stretching until his spine pops loudly between his shoulder blades the pudgy writer smiles and waves lazily at a mosquito buzzing by his ear. The garden isn’t huge, but it’s quiet and secluded with massive rhododendrons and lilac bushes, surrounded by forsythia and Russian Olive trees. The garden smells divine on this late spring afternoon. A big proponent of hostas and day lilies and all manner of shrubs, the writer is slowly rising from his chair. “What do you care anyway Benji? I didn’t think you even read my stuff.” Standing a few steps away, half buried in the overgrowth of a gargantuan rhododendron Benji quips “I fucking well don’t, but I caught Gary reading one in the tub last night and I could hear his breath catch in his throat. He moans ever so softly to himself when he reads anything racy. So I picked up the book to peruse the chapter he was reading and it was all about throbbing this, and heaving that, with glistening chests and wetness and moisture. Oh god! It’s so hackey, it’s like every tainted soft core porno trope wrapped up in a bow. I couldn’t believe Gary was so turned on by it!” Benji is sweating profusely under the partial cover of the shrub, not only because it’s thirty some odd degrees in the cloudless heat. “Gary reads my stuff? I’m touched. People keep buying it, so I’ll continue to write it. Also, as a side note, my mother wants you to deadhead my roses again this year, she likes to see the bushes in full bloom from her bedroom window.” Both men turn away from the rhododendron to face across the yard to the next house over, where a tiny ancient woman sits smiling and waving from her modest porch overlooking the garden. “Damn straight Benji!, my little Julian wants me to be able to see those roses in bloom! From my bed!” Benji’s face contorts between a smirk and a grimace. “Oh of course my dearie, any thing for you – you shrivelled hag” he mutters under his breath. “Come at me you bitch!” Blurts the elderly woman while waving both arthritic middle fingers around in a figure eight pattern. “You leave my lovely boys alone, you know how much my Gary and Julian mean to me!”

First I chop up left over cloves of garlic, green onion and sweet onion and pop that in a large sauce pan with a smidge of olive oil to brown up for a couple minutes. Then I chop up and add carrots, celery, bell peppers, diced potatoes and a healthy dose of unsalted beef broth/vegetable broth. Occasionally I will add in a splash of OJ or lemon juice for a bit of a zip. Boil that until it simmers and the broth begins to reduce down to a thicker (think less than watery) consistency. In a separate cast iron pan I will crisp up and brown both bacon and chicken. Once the bacon has a good crunch, and the chicken has a crispy browned crust I plop them both into the veggie pan. Add as much honey garlic sauce as you like to the total mixture, let simmer and serve. I don’t typically add any salt, as the bacon and honey garlic sauce tend to have a significant amount in them. You can add virtually anything you have in your fridge in just about any quantity. I like that it changes from meal to meal. Looks like a dogs breakfast but tastes great, and is 75% vegetable and could easily be all vegetarian if you were so inclined.

Some things you will need: At least 2 sauce pans – chopping board – knife – spatula – 2 stove top burners

Things you might use in the recipe: Aromatics; Sweet onion, garlic cloves, green onion, ginger Meats; bacon, chicken, beef, or pork sausage Vegetables; carrots, celery, sweet bell peppers, potatoes, zucchini, egg plant, and a whole slew of others. Basically whatever you have in your fridge in whatever amount you have left. Sauces & Broths; I prefer to use the salt reduced Campbell’s Vegetable broth or beef broth, but if you like Knorr or Bovril have at it. I do like to splash in some OJ or lemon juice. And to top it off I like some Kikoman soy sauce (salty af, so that’s why I don’t have salt or pepper in the ingredients list) and then some form of a Honey Garlic Sauce. Add to taste.

Mix it all together and serve. If you use potatoes in your meal cook it all until they are done ( or if you are impatient run them through the microwave for 10:00 minutes before placing in the sauce pan – but you still have to wait on those pesky carrots!).