We have limited TP supplies so everybody is limited to just one wipe with one square of single ply until the supply chain sorts itself out. This IS in fact an effort to curtail you all choosing to drop a deuce during work hours. Shame and intimidation tactics are now in play. Also, you will all have to wear white for everything, and a visual inspection will occur thrice daily until things change for the better, or enough of you get laid off that the CEO gets the bonus she’s been angling for since Q3 of last year. Luxury yachts don’t buy themselves people. If the problem persists then the cafeteria will stop serving anything but bran muffins and black coffee. Should that fail to materialize the results we want, then we will institute the 3:00pm hot sauce gauntlet. Which will consist of a series of tablespoons of several hot sauces for every employee to consume, likely 3 to 5 of them, of increasing scovilles until we meet our desired outcomes. Failing this the C-Suites will begin hunting staff using high vis paint balls, and any employee caught with paint on their whites will be forcefully removed from the premises. Meetings will continue as scheduled without interruption. Those fired whom have institutional knowledge not written down will still be responsible for imparting such information on their own time with zero compensation.
Thx – The Management.
And that’s what it currently feels like to be a small cog in Corporate America right now. Ciao Bella!
Greatwall Studios Graphic Design 